Life's Fear

Chapter Twenty-One

"I – I never knew you had a sister," I whispered.

I hated myself. I hated myself suddenly for ever thinking it could be a girl Jason had a crush on. How could I be so selfish and insensitive? I even had to momentarily look away from Jason and clamp my eyes shut. I knew it they were to stay open, a tear would surely leak. His sister was in hospital... and Jesse said she was in a bad state and wouldn't live much longer... How could I not think of a sister?

"No one does except family. Please don't tell Max this." His voice almost cracked. Was he about to cry? I wondered as I turned back to face him. His face was completely devoid of any emotion, but I couldn't stop staring at him. I hated myself for thinking in this moment, with his profile and the moonlight, he looked so handsome... so beautiful.

"I won't. Of course I won't. Jason... what's her name?"

"Scarlett. Scarlett McCann. She's two years younger than us. She turned sixteen last month."

The scarlet spray... the HOSPITAL sign is therefore technically scarlet. Jason had done it in such a clever way, that all his words were associated with Scarlett, his sister. His little sister who was dying. I hated that word. I always have. And now I abhorred it even more. She didn't deserve to die. Jason didn't deserve to be left without his sister. And his mum didn't deserve to lose her only daughter.

How can I be blessed with five other siblings, and Jason only one, when she's dying way too young?

Jason, you're so clever. You're too clever. You were so obvious but so discreet in the same aspect. His words meant even more to me now, though I knew they were for Scarlett. To show her how much he cared about her and didn't want to lose her. He wanted her to live forever. The scarlet spray. She's everywhere. Even though she's cooped up in that hospital room, she's everywhere Jason writes. That's why he's doing it, isn't it?

She's everywhere.

"Why did you do it?" I asked him softly, squeezing his hand gently, though I didn't release the pressure. Instead he shuffled our hands around and our fingers were interlocked a moment later. It sent electricity up my arm, but I couldn't think about that when tears were threatening to spill. "The writing, I mean."

He avoided my gaze as he replied with, "Scarlett and I – we went to those places."

"Why did you show me one and write two of my phrases down?" I couldn't understand that. If it was between him and Scarlett, why taint the memories and add my words down with them? Why show me one before anyone else when they were for Scarlett? Why take that away from her when she possibly might not last until the year is over?

"I wanted to show you them. I wanted to take you there and share them with you. Scarlett wanted me to. I told her about you. She said you seemed nice though she couldn't understand why you liked being in my company so much." His lips curved up into a small smile and you could actually hear the smile in his voice, as weird as that sounded. "So I did. She was right about it all. She said she'd like you."

I wondered if Scarlett was aware of Jason's social situation at school. How could he deem himself an outcast when he doesn't even get noticed by other students? Isn't that the point of an outcast when people notice you and purposefully evade you? On a normal day, you'd think Jason was mere air or a bump in the wall... but to me he was much more. So much more than he could ever imagine, and I knew that sinking feeling was crashing right now.

Girls could be described as storms or black holes. That's why storms are always named after females. But Jason right now was a tornado. He sucked me into him and I was going round and round with him... everything he does. He was crashing into monuments and destroying homes... he was vandalising private property and destroying his future if he was caught and prosecuted. But I wanted him. Right now. Right here. I wanted him. In this moment. I knew for sure. I wanted him.