Life's Fear

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Scarlett smiled the moment we both entered her room.

"Hey, Blair," she said, positively beaming at me as Jason slid around the two chairs for us. "I've been writing all day," she added, nodding her head avidly, though I had a suspicion that Jason was already aware of this and had exceptionally hoped I would be here right now.

I smiled politely back to her, the words – whatever they would have been, I don't even know – caught in my dry throat. The nerves were kicking into overdrive currently, and I wasn't sure of the protocol, and thus how to act accordingly. Was I supposed to query what she had written and feign interest? Or was I just supposed to smile and nod?

"Blair's a little nervous; she's never done something like this before," Jason explained, dropping his bag against the side of his chair and plonking himself down in it. His hair bounced but then he ran a hand through it, pushing it back as he glanced over at me.

"Have you?" I retorted, the words slipping out easily.

"Of course not, and neither has Scarlett. But she really wanted this, so she's been researching it."

I turned back to Scarlett slowly who had lost the beaming grin, but in its place had a nervous smile. It was all I could do to replicate it on my own lips, and no one said anything for a few seconds as Scarlett looked down and began shuffling her papers she had prepared all through the day for this. I just selfishly hoped it wouldn't take too long so my excuse wouldn't be void at home.

"Shall we begin then?" she asked after another awkward silence had lapsed between us.

Jason nodded, and after a moment, so did I. It was better to get it out of the way now, I thought, so perhaps I could be home earlier. Afterschool workshops never lasted too long if they could help it as teachers wanted to get home for dinner and if they had more marking or class preparation to do.

Gripping the pieces of papers in her hands, Scarlett said, "I will read out pieces I have written. For now, you two will listen and then say what you both need to. There will be no tears, no squabbles or anything. I do not want a brawl at the side of my coffin, no matter if it's with the most handsome guy in school who always secretly pined after me – when I once attended – and never had the courage to say anything to me or ask me out and my brother who was just being the protective older brother I've always had and loved."

Jason smirked and muttered something so quietly under his breath even I didn't catch what he said, and I was a lot closer to him than Scarlett was. Still, I had never seen him act this way as usually he never had a tendency to mumble under his breath whenever he was with me, and considering he didn't usually hang out with anyone else, there was no other evidence to ever suggest he did.

"Shall I begin then?" she repeated, though making sure to say I instead of me like the previous time right before she described what she didn't want to transpire at her actual funeral.

She coughed without waiting for a response from either Jason nor I, and it was then when I realised that Jason and I actually had to say something too and she had just nonchalantly slipped that into her explanation. It was unbeknownst to me, but had Jason known all along? Did he just not want to tell me this because he knew if he had, I most likely would have said no and refused to be present right now?

"Blair, you actually inspired this first line – well, I'm copying it from you if you don't mind, but I am giving you credit." She had that grin back, and all I could do was nod and gesture for her to continue with my piqued curiosity taking the better of me as I desperately wanted to know what I had said to "inspire" something like this from a writer. "'We're hiding in the darkness because of the fear we've created in this life. People break from their own self-destruction when the foundations are built on secrets and lies.'"