Life's Fear

Chapter Seven

My camera was perched next to me, though I was unsure what sort of photos I'd capture considering it was darker than when I went to the bridge. I just needed to get out of the house. Jesse was a few rooms down from me, and knowing he was so close but wouldn't spill what he knew about Jason frustrated me to the point of needing to get out of the house. So, that resulted in me being sat on this park bench.

No one saw me escape... like always.

But this time I found it oddly boring to just sit here on the bench and capture a shot with my camera facing different directions. No one else was around at this time because it was chilly out – I had stolen one of Dad's scarves from the coat rack downstairs by the front door, presuming no one would miss it – and exceptionally dark.

A guy, hood drawn over his face, came strutting by. He didn't move in my direction or even offer any indication that he was aware of my presence so close. It unnerved me a little to watch him approach me, but I breathed a sigh of relief when he went past without a word. He wasn't too tall nor stocky, but somewhere in the middle of being those and somewhat short and thin.

Click. Shuffle the camera around and click.

I've been executing this technique since the summer when I ran into my photography teacher in town once. He recognised me from my school profile and began talking to me about what the year would entail. He, Mr Collins, suggested that I should try it out during the summer – or the remainder of the summer by that point – to see what would work best for me and enhance my photography capabilities. It worked well at first and I enjoyed doing it, but sitting here right now with absolutely nothing to pique my interest, it was tedious.

Instead of it being tranquil and placating me, it was filling me with even more ire. So, I snatched my camera from beside of me and began viewing the images. Due to the darkness surrounding me, it was difficult to fathom out much from them. I gave up. It was as simple as that. I trudged all the way back home where Jesse was standing outside my room, startled by my appearance outside of it.

"What are you doing out of your room?" he asked, gesturing idly to my room that was vacant.

"I needed to get some fresh air," I replied, holding my bag protectively that was hanging off my right shoulder with my camera inside.

Due to Jesse being the oldest, he was channelling his role of being the overbearing, overprotective, big brother, because as soon as I'd declared to him that I'd been outside in the dark on my own, his eyes seemed to narrow. Though, in actuality, that wasn't what he was thinking of when he said, "You didn't go to meet the McCann boy, did you?"

"You sound like mum if she were ever to say something like that," I replied nonchalantly, trying to bypass Jesse to get back into my room.

He stepped in front of me, blocking my path. "Blair, tell me you weren't with him."

"I wasn't with him," I replied. "I was at the park."

This apparently seemed to make him feel worse because he said, "Why would you go to the park on your own when it's dark when there's a vandal wreaking havoc? Who knows what else that person could be."

"I am fine, Jesse." I made sure to enunciate properly so there was absolutely no way he couldn't understand. "Please can I just go into my room? I need to finish some homework and I'm tired."

He seemed to think about it for a moment before stepping to the side and allowing me entry into my own room. As I turned around to close my door, he was already stalking off back to his own room. He slammed his door shut as opposed to me; someone had to be calm otherwise if my parents heard two slammed doors, they would instigate an investigation.

Leaning against my door when I got in, I closed my eyes. Perhaps sitting on a park bench in the evening when it was almost abandoned wasn't the brightest idea... and nor was going to the bridge in a similar situation; especially when it supplied me with conclusive criminal evidence with a fellow student. And now he had begun talking to me, it was only making matters worse, but there was no way I could go to the cops with it. No one saw me on that bridge, so I was in the safe. No one would think to ask me anything.

Without thinking, I made a beeline straight to my laptop and opened a new Word document. In it I began listing what Jason had sprayed and the location.

1) LIFE'S FEAR – Under the bridge.

2) WE CREATE FEAR – Bus stop at Water's Edge Avenue.

It wasn't an extensive list so far, but it was a commencement. Jason wouldn't just give up now with the vague definition of fear. It got me wondering for a second.

Fear is something different relative to the person.

For my mum, I knew fear would be being left without Dad or any of her children or losing her job. She would fear being on her own after surrounding herself with so many people. That's why she works for social services; she likes meeting new people and befriending them. She knows she will never be alone that way. It was sad, really.

For me, I suppose it would have to be the unknown. No one can predict what is around the corner until they're experiencing it. No one can guess a driver is speeding and must avoid something on the road by crossing over to the sidewalk. No one can anticipate to the minute when death will come in fifty years. Or maybe in one year. Six months. Or even in a week. Tomorrow.

No one knows just how intense the fire burns until they're blistered.

I almost didn't want to open my locker the next morning in school.

It was the unknown again: were the pebbles still residing on the bottom clustered together like that? Or had Jason broken into my locker again to remove them? How did he even break into my locker was another question I should have voiced to him, though now I suspected my time to query it had exceeded the timeframe.

Even Max was nowhere to be seen this morning. Whilst waiting for her by the doors like we always did for one another, I was astonished when she didn't even text. It was five minutes until the bell when I had to succumb and go to my locker alone. Now I was facing it, presumably appearing like a moron because I was doing absolutely nothing else.

The lock combination looked untouched. It never occurred to me that Jason had evidently used it to break in. Does that mean he'd been watching me when I opened it? Is that how he was capable of placing the pebbles inside? A quick glance over my shoulder told me he was nowhere to be seen, but I didn't want to inspect closely. I was running out of time.

Producing a noise I would have been shameful for if anyone heard – though the volume of chatter was intensifying as people were bidding goodbye to one another for form – I reached out and begin turning the lock. The pebbles were still there. They felt cold to touch, but my eyes were drawn to them. It made my phone feel suddenly ablaze in my pocket, and so much so that I had to quickly look down to ensure it wasn't on fire.

"You're going to be late if you keep that up," a voice drawled out from behind me.

I wanted to turn around, but at the same time I didn't; I already knew who it was. I didn't need verification on that. But still, he wasn't standing next to me and it was silent and I was unsure if he'd left or not, so I was forced to glance back. He was standing there behind me. Groups of students had to elude him by breaking up momentarily to bypass him. They didn't even seem deterred by it. They didn't even seem to notice him standing there so they weren't annoyed. They'd still be talking even when Jason was separating them.

It was almost like he didn't exist, because he did a splendid job of keeping himself concealed.