Life's Fear

Chapter Twenty-Five

Carmen had just come back from her ballet class.

She came racing into the lounge where I was – watching TV with Kendall, though the TV was far too quiet for my preference and she was busy on her phone anyway – to show me what she'd learnt today, though I had no idea whether she'd butchered the name or not; my knowledge on the French language was lacking immensely. Inevitably I couldn't repeat what she had told me because I'd forgotten the moment she began to move her feet.

"That's great," I said, mustering as much enthusiasm as I could. She was only twelve, after all.

Then she ran over to Kendall, yanked her phone out of her hands – though she didn't seem too deterred by it – and showed her as well. Kendall could fake enthusiasm better than I could to kids considering she worked in a nursery with kids and knew appropriately how to act around them.

I took my opportunity to look at my phone without someone asking questions. Before Jason, I was never really on my phone unless it was to Max, and I wasn't the best at saying I was texting Max when really I was texting Jason. Especially when Jesse can see right through my lying, even if Mum and Dad couldn't. But I wasn't planning to inform anyone else about Jason. Not right now at least.

Jason had texted a little while earlier that somehow, I'd missed.

Jason: Scarlett keeps asking when she can see you again and you only saw her a few hours ago. She keeps texting me.

Me: So she likes me?

Jason: More than likes.

Kendall was still acting impressed with Carmen's dance move, so she kept repeating it for her. The TV was completely forgotten about by that point and considering it's so quiet, it wasn't hard to neglect it anyway. How Kendall can hear it half of the time astounds me – and the rest of the family for that matter.

Another text came through on my phone before I could even begin typing a response. Admittedly, I didn't really have any idea how to reply to his previous one.

Jason: She wants me to give up my graffiti. She's seen online that the cops are going to start a better investigation into it with the town's CCTV. I should be okay though.

A lump began to form in my throat when I thought of the picture I had of Jason stored on my phone. That I also had on my camera and laptop. I never deleted it off my camera. The thought made me sick, but I wanted that picture. I needed it. It wasn't just some selfish thing that Jason could potentially be mine and it was a picture of him.

It was that I'd captured something raw. It wasn't technically a photo I'd randomly snapped, but I didn't realise of what the photograph would consist of. It was one of those photos you couldn't create from a staged photoshoot. It just wasn't. His emotion from having it be the first graffiti of several wasn't replicable in a matter of seconds when someone else had scrawled the words LIFE'S FEAR on the wall and you were just holding the can. It would never be the same. And though it made me sound petty and mindless – I should delete the picture considering it's a piece of evidence that could convict Jason – I wanted it. I wanted something that was mine.

Jason: My mum is working nights tonight. You fancy saying you're staying at Max's tonight and stay with me instead?

A third text came through on my phone, and I realised that Carmen had fled from the lounge, Kendall was immersed in her phone again (the TV was forgotten about, of course) and I had been zoning out. I hadn't realised any time had actually passed.

Me: Do you think you were caught on CCTV then? I would love to.

I really hoped Jason wasn't caught on CCTV. He didn't need his future squandered away from something admirable he was doing for his sister. His sister was cooped up in the hospital – she wasn't allowed to live at home – and she wanted to go out... she wanted to write... so Jason was doing it for her. Despite the fact that he was committing a crime, his actions were oddly admirable.