The Choices We Make

Chapt. 4: Exactly What I'd Wanted

Aaron was definently out of the question, so the only person I could think of to pick me up was Jenelle. After what felt like hours of begging, Jenelle reluctantly agreed to drive me. Once I got home, I'd wanted nothing more than to sleep until I didn't have a care in the world. Of course that didn't happen though, because I actually hadn't started packing yet.

It's almost nine at night now, as I check through my suitcase for the third time. I was sure I'd forgotten something although I'd just about stripped my room bare. My posters. That's what I'd forgotten. I walk over to a wall and peel down one of the many band posters I have plastered around my room. Once I have them all down I roll each one up and neatly place them on top of the clothes in my perfectly organized suitcase. I let out a sigh of relief when everything is finally how I want it. My phone chimes from out of my back pocket. I have two texts. One from earlier today, and one from a few seconds ago.

Grace: Heyy :) so I have a question.

Me: which is?

The one from earlier is from Aaron. I can't help the small summersault my stomach does. I can't tell if I was eagerly awaiting this text, or dreading it. Frankly I'm not sure what I feel at this point.

Aaron: are your plans done yet?

Me: yes.

Grace texts me again.

Grace: so Jordan and I can't decide when to leave tomorrow. I wanna leave at seven, and Jordan wants to leave at twelve. What time do you want to leave?

Me: I'm with Jordan. I'm tired af and I'm not getting up at six to get ready.

Grace: poop on you. Fine, you guys win. But I'll be around at 11:45 sharp to pick you up, and no later. ;)

I smile.

Me: lol; Kk see you then.

My phone lets out another sound, signaling Aaron's response.

Aaron: great, FaceTime me then?

Me: can't. Packing, then heading to bed. Srry.

Now since I have an opportunity to talk things out with Aaron, I quickly have a change of thought. I don't want this anymore. I head down the hall and into the kitchen, anticipating his text. I'd already taken my shower and gotten dressed for bed, but the shower had completely failed to calm my nerves. Tea. That's what I need. I walk over to the cabinet and pull down my supply of chi tea. As I carry a pot filled with water over to the stove top, I almost drop it onto my foot when my phone chimes. Geez I'm on edge.

Aaron: ...You know, you can't avoid me forever.

He's right. Good thing I only need to avoid him for about fourteen more hours. Then I'm home free.

Me: I have to go. Bye.

I'm riddled with guilt as I quickly put my phone away. You blew it again. I curse myself for being so stubborn, all the while trying to convince myself that I did it for a good reason. I was having a full out brawl in my head. You shut him down- he deserved it. He's being so sweet- it's just a front. He's reaching out to you, so apologize- you can't let him think you're desperate.

A small throbbing sensation erupts from the side of my skull. I don't want tea anymore. All I want is to fall asleep and pretend this isn't happening. I leave everything but my phone splayed out on the counters, and retreat to my bed. I know it'll take hours for sleep to claim me with how busy my mind is. I don't want to think. I pop in my earbuds and turn up the volume until the music drowns out my thoughts.