Sink or Swim

19

Writing is the best way to get your emotions out, god damn.

It's very therapeutic, and if anyone is every going through something whether it be a bad test, or stress or a fight with your parents, friends or bf/gf, I highly recommend you write should you find yourself unable to talk to someone.

It doesn't even have to be something deep, it could just be something as simple as "I hate life right now." and it will help. 

:) or you could DM me. I'm always here haha. 

Jane's POV

April 13th, 1912 - 4:45pm

I furrowed my eyebrows as I leaned against the railing, waiting for Harry. He had sent Fred to me and told me to meet him here at five because he needed to talk. I wasn't too worried, I mean, I doubt it would be anything bad. 

"Jane."

I whirled around from facing the sea and found Harry standing behind me. He wore a white shirt, with suspenders and black trousers. His eyes held a hint of an emotion that I couldn't quite make out. He held his hands in front of his body and his posture slouched a bit, as if he came bearing bad news. However, he smiled softly at me before he came to stand next to me, facing the ocean. I turned myself to face the blue sea in front of me and sighed.

"What did you need to tell me?" I asked.

There was silence before he spoke.

"We need to stop this," he murmured. I furrowed my eyebrows and turned to face him.

"What?" 

He looked over at me, green eyes still and calm, "us. This has to end."

"What are you-...what do you mean?" I stammered, feeling bile rise in my throat, as I felt my heart freeze. 

Harry let out a breathy laugh and shook his head, looking out at the sea, "who are we kidding, Jane? You're a first class girl and I'm me. You're supposed to get married to that Mark Johnson and we're over here getting ourselves involved in something we should have never even started."

By now tears had started to brim my eyes as I felt every kind of emotion seep its way into my mind. Sadness, hurt, fear, and betrayal. I felt betrayed, in the moment, because we had only slept together two days ago. I had given myself to him - to anyone - for the first time two days ago...and now he was saying he couldn't be with me? I felt broken. 

Not because of his sudden admission, but because I didn't want to lose him. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I had actually felt free. I had felt like I was in control of my own life for once and I didn't want to let go of that feeling. 

"Why are you saying this?" I asked, looking at him, "you were fine this morning. Then what happened?"

He clenched his jaw and looked down, "your mother-"

"My mother made you do this?" I exclaimed, "my mother made you tell me all of this?"

"No," he replied, "she just opened my eyes to reality."

He looked over at me, "the past two days have been amazing, Jane. They have. But I was too blinded by everything to see that what we were doing, wasn't right. You're a rich, advanced girl. You have so much in store for your future, you have no business getting involved with someone like me. I'm just a poor boy, who has a lousy dream of opening up a bed and breakfast. I couldn't see that because.."

I clenched my jaw, feeling anger flood through me, "because what, Harry?"

He didn't reply, so I pressed his chest causing him to step back, "because what, Harry?"

I shoved him again, watching as his guard was slowly breaking, "because of what?"

"Don't," he warned, "stop."

"No," I scoffed, pushing him back again, "tell me. If you're so confident that we can't be together, if you've got your mind made up, then tell me."

He clenched his jaw, "because I love you."

I stopped in my tracks and simply gaped at him, my jaw dropping slightly.

"Because I love you, Jane," he said, looking at me, "okay? Because somehow, over the past couple of days that we've been together, I managed to fall in love your bratty behavior, and your inability to see past social classes. I managed to fall in love with the way you laugh and the way your eyes sparkle whenever you look at me. I managed to fall in love with all of that and it's because of that, that I cannot see you anymore."

I stumbled, full of shock as I looked at him. His eyes were brimming with tears and his chin trembled as his hands began to shake. I looked down to discover that I was similarly in the same state. People walked by us on the boat deck and didn't seem to notice our conversation but for me it felt like we were the only ones there. Time stopped for a moment as I took in his words.

I love you.

I had waited so long to finally experience love in its entirety...and now that it was here, it was running away from me. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't. 

"Harry-"

"No," he shook his head, backing up, "I have to go."

Tears rolled down my face as I opened my mouth to call him back but no words came. I watched, emotionally stunned and physically helpless as his figure disappeared around a corner of the deck and I turned back to the edge of the ship, clinging to the railings for support. 

My freedom, my happiness, everything that Harry gave me was no gone. All because of my mother who decided that it was time for her to jump into my life again. I wasn't mad at Harry. I wasn't mad at him at all.

It was my mother I was furious with. 

Who the hell did she think she was? Meddling in my own life like that? I wasn't even engaged to Mark yet; that was to happen when I reached New York. She had no right.

As I watched Harry leave, I felt a huge gaping hole tear itself into my chest and it felt as though I couldn't breathe. Watching him walk away from me made me realize how much I needed him. Over the past few days, I had gotten so used to his company, being held and kissed by him that it almost seemed like a routine thing to do. And now, as my brain came to the realization that I wouldn't have that anymore...that's what I realized what I should have told him before he left me.

I was in love with him, too.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three or four chapters left? Or five? Idk.

But yeah, hella emotional, this chapter. :3

Hope you liked it!!!! 

Vote and comment, your opinion means a lot to me!

Love,

S.