Sink or Swim

23

Btw, I picture Millicent as Nina Dobrev. You can picture whoever you like, i just wanted to show you who I picture her as. :)

Harry's POV  

April 14th, 1912 - 6:30pm

Jane had left about an hour ago to go eat dinner with her family, while I ate dinner with Fred and my friends. Jane and I had spent the better part of the afternoon simply lounging about and enjoying each other's company whilst talking about whatever the future had in store for us. 

I knew I probably shouldn't have given in to her plea to continue our little love story, as she was going to be married to someone else who would actually be able to provide for her, but I couldn't hold myself back. I needed her and she needed me, our love for each other proving to become more intense the more time we spent together. 

That's what told me that this needed to end before we got too deep. I knew then that I'd have to actually end our relationship tonight, not just because it was what her parents wanted, but because it was what was best for her. 

"I have to do this, Fred."

He pursed his lips and frowned, leaning towards Millicent as she leaned into him. They had confessed their feelings for each other earlier today and I was more than happy for my best friend when he had told me. I, however, couldn't stop thinking about the fate of my own relationship.

"You don't have to," he said, "we don't dock in New York for another couple of days. Just enjoy your time together, Harry."

I shook my head, "and get our hopes up? And have Jane think that this is going to last?"

"She's eighteen," Fred said, "she's bright. She can figure it out."

I closed my eyes and sighed warily, "I just can't do that to her, you know? I love her, but I don't want to promise her something I can't give."

"And what is it you can't give?"

"A future."

We stared at each other in silence for a while. His eyes locked with mine and I shrugged, brushing a hand through my hair. I bit my lip and looked down at the table in front of me and I sighed, feeling an immense amount of fear rush through me. 

I didn't want to lose Jane at all. But then, how was I supposed to lose her when I never truly had her to myself in the beginning. Granted, she wasn't and isn't betrothed to that banker, but it was always there in the back of our minds that we weren't going to belong to each other for eternity. 

Our relationship was built along the foundation of unease, and uncertainty. We lived in the present, we didn't regard what was going on around us and that was my mistake. Because now, as we near the day we part, I am reminded constantly of what I'll lose as soon as I step foot on those docks. 

"I have to stop this from going any further," I said, frowning at Fred. 

I smiled softly and shook my head, "when is it ever fair for women in this world?"

Millicent bit her lip and nodded. I sighed.

"You tried to end it before," Fred stated, "and look how well that went."

"This time, it will be permanent," I said, "after today I won't see her, speak to her, or think of her ever again. I ask though, that you help me to refrain from running to her whenever I feel like I'm going mad."

Fred offered me a sad smile and nodded.

I took in a deep breath and got up out of my seat.

~

"What do you need to talk about?" Jane asked. 

It was currently 10:15 at night - well after dinner - and we stood out on the A Deck, looking at each other. The moon wasn't out tonight, and the sky was completely clear. It was scary, looking out at the ocean only to find it pitch black, save a couple meters of water that would be illuminated by the ship's windows. It was quite a sight; looking out onto the vastness of the water, it was like God had draped a black sheet on the earth from above. I couldn't even make out any icebergs. 

"Harry?"

Jane's sweet voice jumped me out of my thoughts and I looked at her. I frowned, looking down at my feet before I met her gaze again.

"I'm going to say what I'm going to say for the both of us," I said, "I've thought this over, and I'm doing this for your betterment."

She frowned, "what the hell are you talking about?"

I was taken aback by her use of a curse but I licked my lips and cleared my throat, "we can't see each other anymore."

"What?" her voice broke. 

"This isn't because of your parents, Jane," I whispered, shaking my head as tears brewed in my eyes, "not this time. I-....you need to let this go. You're going to marry someone in less than a month and you're having an affair with me. This won't be good for you."

"No," she denied, "no! How can you even think that? I want to be with you. I know what I'm doing, Harry. I want this. This is the first time I've been so close to freedom, I-"

"Please, Jane," I shook my head, taking a step back, feeling a tear flow down my cheek, "I love you. I really do, but I can't let you get your hopes up on something that will cease to exist within a matter of days."

"So? This is real though," she pleaded, "the memories, these feelings, they're all real. We're real, Harry."

I sighed and looked out the black vastness. She wasn't going to take no for an answer, that much was apparent. So I knew I'd have to do something to prevent her from fighting me. I needed her to stop, retreat and to do that, I came to the harsh conclusion that I would have to hurt her.

"We're not anymore," I snapped, seeing her jolt, "face it and get it into that naive head of yours, will you? You and I are done. What? Did you think that when we docked in New York, you'd run away from your family and come live with me? Going from street to street, not really having a goal in sight? Hell, I have my dream of an inn, but that stands for shit if I don't get money. What in the hell would give you the right mind to even consider that? You're more dumb than I thought. I thought people in your community were smarter than that. We won't be together, the sooner you realize that the better."

I watched as her eyes and face fell in defeat, her hands quivering as she clasped them to her stomach. She took in a deep and shaky breath and looked up at me, hurt written in every inch of her face.

"I know you don't mean this," she whispered, taking a step forward, "please. Har-"

"Leave me alone, Jane." I cut her off and whirled around, shoving my hands into my pockets as I stalked away. I ignored her pleas for me to stop walking, to come back to her and I kept walking. Tears streamed down my face as I moved further and further from the one thing that gave me happiness since my mother passed away; my best friend.

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I'm so excited to write the ending for this. It's going to be really good. 

I hope you liked the update!

Love,

S.