Warrior cats OC Rater (FINISHED)

Cricketbelly

Name: Cricketbelly

Do cats know what crickets are? Maybe, but this name is soooo unique, first, I have never seen a cat with the prefix cricket and the suffix 'belly' is hardly ever used, I like it! Though crickets are small insects and looking at his description, large may not fit him very well. (9.5/10)

Gender and Sexuality: Tom, Straight

Clan: Thunderclan, Former Shadowclan

Don't see that all the time! I cannot judge the original clans though so I guess that it's (10/10)

Appearance: A large, fluffy light brown tabby tom with pale green eyes.

As I have stated before, his large appearance does not fit him very well, besides from that, brown and white is quite common but better than pure white, large and fluffy cats are rarely used, so yeah, I like it! Just a few tweaks needed (8/10)

Attitude/Reputation: He is slightly obsessive about his former love, he is normally loyal and brave willing to do what he has to do for his clan. He goes insane for a little bit. Shadowclan thinks him as evil, cruel and insane while Thunderclan doesn't trust him that much since he came from Shadowclan

Oooh, I like the over obsessive love thing, I hardly ever see that and he has been insane as well, but I do admit, these characteristics are quite like Ashfur's. Try adding a few more positive attitudes, for example, a good parent. (9/10)

Family:

Mate: Turtleblossom, Kits: Applekit, Acornkit, Snowkit and Batkit

Turtleblossom is strange but unique XD, it doesn't really make sense but it's better than Prettyfur, but do add their appearances, please. The kits have quite common names except for Batkit. (8/10)

Parents and Siblings: Unknown Backstory: Cricketbelly used to love a beautiful she-cat called Dewdapple but she was already in love with Snowburr, when they had a massive argument Cricketbelly took the chance to get closer to her. Sadly for him, Snowburr and Dewdapple forgave each other, mated and had three kits. Furious Cricketbelly got Snowburr to hunt with him at the carrion place and rats attacked them. Cricketbelly leaped to safety and Snowburr fell to the rats. Later on, he murdered Dewdapple and took the kits out of camp. He attempted to murder them but two fled back to get help. Cricketbelly kidnapped the third one and dragged it away and started to wound him. Soon Shadowclan cats came and attacked him and defeated him. They exiled him and he then joined Thunderclan. He soon mated and had kits with a calico she-cat called Turtleblossom. Turtleblossom grew distant from the kits making it so Cricketbelly had to look after them. When he was busy with three of his kits his fourth (Batkit) snuck out and was hit by a monster. Turtleblossom furious blamed him and they broke up. A moon later an eagle carried off Snowkit who was exploring out of camp. Cricketbelly who heard his kits screams of terror raced after the eagle. He leaped and freed his son but before he could drop to safety the eagle grabbed him and carried him off as his kit wailed in grief.

WHY DOES SNOWKIT ALWAYS HAVE TO SUFFER? HE'S LITERALLY AN EAGLE AND HAWK ATTRACTOR LIKE "HEY THEIR! LOOK AT ME! EAT MEH!"

XD ok I'm done.

His story is unusual and strange, though it does seem like what would've happened if Ashfur actually did get his revenge, this story is very interesting but quite familiar to me since killing out of jealousy is used quite a bit in OCs or someone in the OC's life and their's also Ashfur, also, can you tell me why Turtleblossom left him and how does he raise the kits himself, does he have tom tits? (WTF DID I JUST WRITE) With that aside, I really like it, seems like an enjoyable read if you make it into a fanfiction (8.5/10)

Others/Facts: Cricketbelly did end up going to Starclan instead of the Dark forest because all he did was love too much and even though it got out of hand he was loyal for most of his life. He also regretted deeply what he had done in Shadowclan and wished he could take it all back. When he joined StarClan Snowburr and Dewdapple were so disgusted they wouldn't allow him to talk to them or apologize. The kit he did kidnap did luckily survive but Cricketbelly is haunted by dreams of the kit dying.

Why were they not allowed to talk to them? Well, what I would like to know if you're writing a book on it so I could read it.

Le Final Score is....

53/60 (88.333333333%)

This OC is well laid out and made but does need some tweaks, for example, more positive characteristics, some more detail in some parts and more.

This was an awesome OC, thank you xXxWolfSongxXx entering it.