PTX Shots

Day 30: Favourite moment of the year [Kavi]

A/N: Tragic as fuck ahead.

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Cali, December 30th,
Basement,

Let me tell you about my favourite moment of 2017, Kirstie.

First of all, you need to know that this year is a bitch. I was finally done with stress and homesick, so I left our home, Pentatonix. That is one of the saddest moment I've ever experience, Kirstie. Especially right after our cover of Can't Help Falling in Love. That maybe a hard time for us five, as our relationships all came to nowhere, let me call it Year of Breakups. But let's just talk about me and you, as this letter is for you, Kirstie.

You, finally, broke up with Jeremy. The moment Kevin told me that information is the sweetest moment, like honey and candy. Not my favourite one, but I, finally got a chance to have you, Kirstie. But then I realized, no, I actually don't have any chance from the first place. Since you dated your prince, my life turned into a tragic play, and I got myself villain role.

I got out of a relationship with a girl who was a mistake from the first place. I hurted her, and payback is a bitch, I know. I slutted around, banged here and there. I was in a depress, but, no one care, right? I told Trisha, the girl I dated, I told my doctor, and all I had was laughs and sarcasms. But that's okay, totally okay.

Because those wounds can't compare to the hurt when you talk behind my back :)

I knew it all, Kirstie, I still know it all, but I acted like I was blinded for the whole time. I know it, when the four of you left me behind and stabbed me with your words. But next time, if you guys want to do that, can you please take Kevin afar from me? His eyes full of guilts and pities every time he looks at me, and even I knew everything even before I noticed these signs, it was still hurted me. Call me sensitive, but yes, the world ripped me apart. But I didn't, I don't and I won't blame anyone, especially not you, my dear. That's my fault for being a jerk, for using people to free myself from missing you, that's my fault, I worth the blames.

But of course, hurt and be hurted not the favourite moments I mentioned. Struggled with my hopeless love for you also not a favourite moment.

I won't keep this letter long, I promise. I'm gonna tell you my favourite moment right now.

My favourite moment, was when I was hit by a car, when I was sitting on a taxi heading home. Do you know that moment, when you're floating between staying alive and giving up? That's that moment. Everything flies through your mind like bullets, but all you can see was just your loving things. I expected to see my family, to be honest, but no. I saw you. I saw you, and all the dreams about you, and me, and our non-exist future family and children. I knew I was fucked up, Kirstie. Even you are that cold to me and maybe a bit cruel to me too. I was still loving you. I am still loving you.

I'm such a mess.

I lived my life as Barney Stinson, and I expected a love like Marshall Erikson and Lily Aldrin. No. There's no happy ending for a trouble.

I wished the car accident killed me there. The last thing flashed in front of my eyes was your smile at our first sight, and that's enough. I could die as a happy man with your images in my mind and without regret.

But no, again, no. I woke up in a local hospital with some bruises and a broken leg, that's all. Damn. My body was living, but my heart stayed at that accident, that happy imagination, Kirstie. Life wouldn't let me die, so I didn't die yet. Got my name on the news with a suicide title sounded like a good idea, but I wasn't sure if I could try that moment again. So I stayed alive.

But I'm giving up.

Don't know, maybe I should buy coals and burn them in my airtight studio.

I've already backed to Cali and kept walking alone on my road. It's near the end of this year, so I wrote this letter. But I won't send it. Let a secret be secret, let's leave you guys believe that you guys success in fooling me.

But you guys never reach that success.

I'm crazy. I really am. I told you guys to run, to stop fake your emotions or I will shot each of you, but no one believe me.

No one.

After all, I'm still holding the trigger, even it costs my heart and my smile and my happiness, and my loving friends.

Do you think it's worth the price, Kirstie?

I think it does.

Paying by four lives is a high price.

So sorry for a capella world, losing four talents at one time.

But,

Worth it.

Now I have a new favourite moment filled with blood and screams, and the gun what has only two bullets left for me.

Count it five, the lost for a capella fans and this world. Five persons, died by gunshots.

Worth it :)

A.

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A/N: Well... Serial killer and psychopath and mental ills always sad topics :) I didn't tent to write it this dark and deep, this story was originally sweet and fluff and happy, even included propose and marriage and kisses, but then...welp.

I really should put warning on top of these against fic. If you don't like this, please comment below and I'll unpublished this chapter. It's also really dark and sad and overwhelming for me too, even I'm the author. One of the darkest stories I've ever thought about.

I love you, I will back with fluff fics sooner or later, but not now, not today :"< Goodbyeeee~~