DISGRACE
I have this urge to let you know,
This "sweet" facade is all for show,
I can't play pretend anymore,
Can't leave my troubles out the door.
-
My laughter has a sudden break,
It's building up more than I can take,
My hands now constantly shake,
At the thought of the decision I'll make.
-
So I write and I write to get out of my head,
But it doesn't seem to work so now I dread,
How to cope with the toxic that's beginning to spread,
About the life I've lead.
-
Sanity left with a trailing blaze,
My once sound mind is now a dark maze,
My eyes are unfocused, a lifeless gaze,
One step forward is two steps back, I realize in a daze.
-
My parents simply laugh at me,
"It's just a phase, just leave her be,"
I tried to tell them silently,
I'm trapped inside and can't be freed.
-
My friends leave when they figure out,
I have no worth and have no doubt,
That if I were to leave, take a different route,
They will all relish in their smiles, jubilant shouts.
-
I often think about my death,
About my last moment, my final breath,
How all of you will gather to joke and jest,
On my pathetically short life I put to rest.
-
If I weren't a coward I'd do the dark deed,
No one gives a fuck no matter how much I plead,
Screaming and begging to notice me,
To take heed of my words not watch while I bleed.
-
But it's too late now for hope and faith,
Should God see me now I'd be a disgrace,
Upon Him and hell I'll ultimately face,
For my sinful thoughts can not be erased.
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This hurt to write... >_
