Assume (Solby)

Chapter 2

(Colby POV)

I finally uploaded a video yesterday. It had been 2 weeks since the last one. I just don't have the motivation anymore to make videos, well, I don't have the motivation to do anything really anymore. Funny how one little thing can screw your whole life over.

"Colby! I'm going to my moms place to film. Wanna come?" Brennen asked walking into the living room.

"Why not?" I said.

So, yeah. I moved in with Brennen. Everyone else kinda hates me. I mean, they act like freinds but I know they have that hatred of me just sitting in them somewhere. It was my fault that everything went to shit. Everything is my fault.. I 'changed' according to a lot of people. I turned into an asshole apparently. Well, wouldn't you be an asshole to everybody around you if your life was falling apart and everyone started hating you? Okay, maybe you wouldn't.

"You feeling okay today? Everything went okay at the house?" He asked as I put my shoes on.

"Uh, yeah. We filmed some stuff. I could tell that Elton didn't very much enjoy me being there especially since they didn't tell Sam apparently." I said mumbling the end of my sentence. I kinda don't really want to get into a deep conversation about how I hurt Sam and everything. He found someone to love him, he doesn't need me. He doesn't need me at all. He hates me.

"That's good." He said.

Most people have only heard Sam's side of the story. He probably made it seem so chill, like I yelled at him then left. It wasn't like that at all.

"So, what you are saying, is I am a lying asshole?" I said.

"yes! I know you did that and you are lying to me! I am sick of you being fucking annoying and I hate everything about you!" He yelled.

I stepped back. He hates me. I knew it.

"Yeah, well you are a control freak! Always taking charge and pretending to be better then me! You used me! You used me for years!" I yelled.

"Oh fuck you. Why would I use something so pathetic!" He yelled.

I stuttered, trying to find what to say. I was so done. So done with all this.

"Fuck you!" I yelled walking out and slamming the door.

That's only part of it.

The thing is, I have 'hated' Sam for so long I think I started to miss him.

I miss being around him. I know that.

"So, later today I might go over to Scott's."

"Really? Why?" I asked as we walked down to Brennen's car.

"They asked me to come over to film a bit or something. I haven't hung with them in so long it's gonna be nice."

Brennen is actually really chill off camera. It's mostly an act he puts on. I know that feeling, putting an act on to make other happy.

"Random thought, I really want to go to New Zealand. You went a while back, right?" Brennen asked.

Yeah, I went with Sam. That was so fun. I remember seeing his eyes light up every time we saw something new or cool. The funny late night talks. The stupid shenanigans that Corey and Elton would have to put up with. I really miss all that.

I miss the blue eyes, the blonde hair, the optimism to my pessimism, his laugh, his smile. I miss everything about him.

But all I can do is miss him. Cause he hates me.

"Yeah, It's nice there." I said quietly, I probably sounded uninterested.

Brennen looked at me then back forward.

After that night, Brennen has always been checking on me like this. He always tries to keep me happy. I appreciate it, since a lot doesn't make me happy anymore. I let everything out that night.

I sat on the bench. It was dark out, so no one was at the park.

I could feel the tears streaming down my face. But all I felt was my heart being ripped out of my chest as I repeated everything Sam said 3 months ago. 

It didn't bother me at first, Then it started to hurt. And fuck it hurt a lot.

"Colby?" I heard softly next to me. I had texted Brennen to come to the park. I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want to go anywhere.

He sat next to me and rubbed circles in my back, "What's on your mind?" he asked.

"A lot." I said quietly.

"Clearly. We should talk about it."  He said.

I nodded and wiped my face.

"I just.. don't feel needed anymore. I stopped uploading videos cause everyone hates me, I have no friends left, the one person I thought I could trust hates me, I am useless and just plain unwanted. And I can't deal with this anymore.."

"Well, you are not useless or unwanted. That is a fact. And if you had no friends left, what would I be? Colby I love you like a brother and I could never hate you, you are needed. If everyone hates you remember I don't and that if you left me, I would never forgive myself for not being able to help you. You need to forget about Sam, he is a jackass. He clearly hurt you and that isn't good." Brennen said. I had never heard or seen him act so serious.

"Thank you.." Is all I could say.

"You still miss him?" Brennen suddenly asked.

"... Yeah. But he hates me.. so it doesn't matter."

Brennen nodded. "You don't know that."

I don't know that. But he probably does.

So all I get to do is miss him.