Assume (Solby)

Chapter 3

(Sam POV)

I walked out to the living room. Honestly, I hadn't gotten much sleep last night cause of.. reasons.

Yeah, you already know why. Bingo! I miss someone that hates me.

Do you know how much it hurts to miss someone who hates you? It's like having your heart ripped out and all you get to do is watch them rip it out and you love it but you hate it so so much.

Then again, you are supposed to be hating that person back. I want to hate him back. He over reacted. He said I used him, which I did not! Or.. did I? No! Because I never hated him. Wait, I do now, but, actually, wait no, ah Fuck! I don't know!

I need to get him off my mind because I am done remembering that perfect smile and those bright blue ocean eyes and his stupid perfect adorable laugh.

I need to get away from this house cause everywhere I look I remember hanging out with him until 4 am when neither of us could sleep and just laughing with him.

I am going to Katrina's.

-

"Hey babe, get some sleep?" Katrina asks hugging me. I hug back.

"Well, kinda." I said shrugging and walking in.

"What does that mean?" She asks as we sit on the cough.

"Just doing a lot of thinking." I say.

"About what?" She asks.

I realize we are about to play that stupid game where she asks questions til it annoys me and I tell the truth. So I change the subject. I really don't feel talking about Colby to Kat, she knows what happened, like, the whole story. And she thinks insulting Colby makes me feel better when it does not. And if I tell her I miss him she will think I am crazy because you are not supposed to miss someone who almost ruined your life.

"We should go out of food. I am pretty hungry." I say standing up.

She looks confused, but agrees.

We go down to my car and decide to go to Subway.

"So, I was thinking tomorrow we should-" And Katrina goes on.

I am ignoring her. Well, technically, I am not ignoring her. Because I don't mean to.

I Just easily get of track.

So right now I am focused on the road and my thoughts.

Was it my fault? And why do I always go back to him?

Everything is always ruined because of him.

Then, I remember something we both said back in high school, and I think I may vomit.

We sat on the slides, It was a dark summer night. We always somehow got into deep conversations at this time.

"I am scared of the future." Colby says suddenly.

I think for a moment.

"Me too." I say.

He turns to me.

"Really?" He asks.

".. Yeah."

"I'm also scared of.. growing up. Being alone. Dying.."

"Yeah, growing up is pretty terrifying. So is dying, and being alone." I say agreeing to everything he says.

"We will always be friends, right?" Colby asks.

"Forever." I say into the night.

"Promise?" He asks looking at me.

"Promise." I say to him.

And I feel myself fall.

Because I broke a promise. The biggest promise I have ever made in my life.

"Sam!" Kat yells.

"What!" I say being shaken out of my thoughts.

"Are you okay? You seem so distant lately.. It's scaring me." she says concerned.

"I'm fine. I have been really tired lately sorry." I said.

"Okay, but, Why?"

"I don't know." I lie.

"You're acting like you don't want to be around me.." She said.

"No! That's not what it is at all, it's just.."

"Just what?"

"Nothing." I say.

"Saaam what's wrong?" 

"I have been regretting something lately and it's ripping me apart because I think it's my fault and I feel horrible!" I burst. She always finds a way to get the truth out of me.

"Oh.." She says looking back towards the road. She looks like she wants to say something but doesn't know if it will hit a bad nerve. And I know exactly what it is.

After a minute, she finally says something. "It's about Colby, huh?" Knew it.

I sigh, "Yeah.."

"Well he is an asshole for leaving you like that. You guys were best friends and he just left you." She said.

But he isn't an asshole! I mean, at times he could be but he never meant it. And yes, we were best friends and him leaving seemed like a dick move.. at the the time. Now, it just seems like an over thought thing that happened when he didn't want to be around someone like me. Cause I am the asshole in this situation.

"Plus it's been a year. I don't understand why it's still bothering you." She said. It sounded bitchy the way it came out, but I don't think she meant it.

And yeah, I don't know why it's still bothering me either.