the ballad of me and my brain ; rants

december 25th; do you know what it feels like to fall in love

good morning gentlemen

say it back

so i'm here to give like a life update type thing

yeah

so it's christmas morning merry christmas if u celebrate it if not that's cool too

last year i was so annoying like last christmas i was like i'm jewish i celebrate Hanukkah i hate christmas it's so annoying!!!!!! but now i just don't care lol

anyway yeah

okay fuckkkk i wanna just like talk like whatever with no filter but i'm not out here tryna get snitched on!!!!!

imma do it but if anyone out here tryna snitch i hope u perish like i'm rlly out here tryna open up and this is what u do like actually choke

okay yeah here we go

can u believe people RLLY out here loving somebody and that person loves them back!!!

mutual love? i haven't heard that name in years!!!!

i'm bitter bc i liked a guy for like months and we lowkey had a thing but not rlly and now he dating someone else lololol

"liked" as in past tense that's hilarious

but i rlly was played by this man who also happens to be a libra can u BELIEVE

it rlly be your own people

but fr i'm actually like trying to move on this time and find someone else

it's so hard tho fuckk like when u find someone that you like genuinely love and u have so much love for them deep down like in ur heart but it's like specifically for them so u cant just give it to someone or something else so ur left with so much LOVE with that u can't give and it hurts

after this experience in life i've decided that i've fallen in love like genuinely twice

like i've had tons of crushes but like i'm talkin love here

the first time was in 5th grade DEADASS i rlly liked this boy for the entire year and i just thought about him all the time and i just loved him so much like actually

but i knew that i actually had love deep down for him when a year later he was in one of my classes (6th grade LOL) and i was still like,,out here tryna love n support u

the second time was like this time heh

i been bumpin the queen is dead on repeat for like the past few weekends because every song on it i'm like oh shit me too!!!!!

my BIGGEST mood from that album is I Know It's Over like straight up one of the lyrics is "i know it's over, though it never really began, but in my heart it was so real" and i was like oh shit i really did ghostwrite this song

someday imma do live commentary on The Smiths in book form on fucking wattpad get ready for it

so that's cool

winter break is here but i'm still out here depressed??

i feel like it rlly is this thing with this guy not working out making me realize how fucking lonely i am

like i have friends but imma libra so like i crave some type of romance or significant other of some kind and i don't have that and i'm so alone

like i'm not really alone because again i have so many friends whom i love and i don't take them for granted at all like side note i'm so thankful for all of my friends because i love them and after experiencing life with these people i cannot even fathom the thought of losing a single one of them

basically i had no friends before this and didn't know what i was missing out on (social interaction being what i was missing out on) but now i think i would straight up die without all my friends

fun fact i am a huge fucking extrovert but u would never expect it because i'm like silent mouse creature and i don't speak fr like it's like a meme

like how fast i warm up to someone depends entirely on like everything like the way i became part of like my main group of friends i have now basically was me being good friends for like years with someone who was part of it and a guy in the group really liked me somehow and i was with my friend 1 night and she told and i was like o shit add me to the gc dude and she was like ok and basically every time they hung out i would just tag along and everyone eventually got used to my presence and after like 2 months i finally was comfortable enough to speak!!! and then i had friends and had a wonderful summer which was one of the best times of my life summer 2017 was my fucking november take me back

anyway

idk where i was going with that ok

i have another issue that i'll write about next chapter or sum i'm too lazy rn thanks bye