Saved In The A.M.

6-Never Enough

——— 1 WEEK LATER ———
There's 2 weeks left and last week has been average, a few pros, a few cons, a major pro, a major con, you know the deal. Lets start with the pros, me and Harry went on a mini golf date which was cute, I've kinda been spending more time with the boys, we've written some more songs, my favourite song on the album is Love You Goodbye but What A Feeling is an absolute tune too. The major pro is that this week I lost 12 fucking pounds, I literally don't know how it's possible but I fucking did it. I have been exercising at least 3 hours every day and most days not eating more than a piece of fruit and the food that I throw up which means I'm now at 120 pounds which is apparently underweight as my BMI is not in the "healthy" range but I think there's something wrong with their calculator because I can still see tonnes of fat on me. Which brings me to the cons, I've been very light headed from the lack of food and increased exercise and I've been finding it hard to function like I always have to make sure I'm near something I can hold onto when I'm standing up. Now that I've lost 30 pounds the boys are starting to notice which means it's getting harder to lose the last 20 but I've been wearing baggy clothing but I'm still not thin enough so I have to keep going. The major con is that I'm honestly just getting sick of it all, no matter what I do I'm never good enough and I'm never gonna be fucking good enough. Fans have seen pap photos and commented on me losing weight saying things like "thank fuck Louis has gone on a diet, he well and truly needed it" and "Louis is ugly when he's fat, louis is ugly when he's skinny, why does he bother" and I tend to fucking agree.

——— HARRY'S POV ———
I go to Louis' room to talk to him and as I get to the closed door I'm about to knock when I hear what I think is crying. Over taken by confusion I don't even think of knocking anymore I just open the door and walk straight in. Louis is evidently lost in whatever the hell is on his phone and doesn't even realise me standing there.

"Louis?" I whisper trying not to startle him. He looks up alarmed and immediately chucks his phone down on the bed and wipes the tears off his face.
"Haven't you heard of knocking Haz? For fucks sake"
Ignoring the fact that he's mad at me, I ask why he's crying.
"It's none of your fucking business okay just leave" he says getting up and walking towards me.
"Lou you're clearly upset I'm not going to just leave you" I say stepping towards him reiterating what I just said.
"Harry I swear to god just let me fucking be" He yells at me this time, grabbing onto his desk to steady himself, this worrying me.
"Lou c'mon" I say trying to calm him.
He pushes me which doesn't even nearly shift me. "GET OUT" he screams, pointing to the door, tears returning in his eyes and trying to push me again, failing once more. "GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT" he screams again, the tears exploding down his cheeks and as he falls I catch his worryingly light body and he breaks down in my arms choking out words intertwined with tears that I can't even understand. I lower myself to the floor and lean against his bed with his whole body somehow wrapped in my arms, "stop your crying baby it'll be alright" I murmur to him while he sobs into my chest. I intermittently whisper sympathetic "shhh's" and after about 15 minutes he finally manages to calm down and is able to produce meaningful sentences.

"Where's Liam and Niall?" Is the first thing he asks in a shaky voice.
"They're at a meeting with management" I inform him.
"Why aren't we there" he asks me next.
"They only needed 2 representatives and they volunteered" I let him know.
"Now can you please actually talk to me about what's been going" making it my turn to ask him some questions.
"No I don't want to talk about it."
"Lou I don't accept that as an answer I'm sorry" I let him know sternly.
"Well you're going to have to" He talks back.
"No I don't" I argue knowing two can play this game and I always win.
"Oh and why is that?" He asks sassily, definitely owning up to his reputation of sass master from Doncaster.
"Because you've changed the last month and you literally just had a breakdown right in front of my eyes" I remind him.
"I haven't changed" he argues back with no evidence.
"Louis William Tomlinson surely YOU don't even believe that yourself, firstly, you've been so sensitive recently, the smallest thing gets to you and sets you off, secondly, you've been so reserved and you barely participate in group activities, thirdly, you always stay in your room when you ARE home and you don't tell us when you're not, finally, you just look like you're always ready to kill someone and not to mention you've lost weight and it's honestly scaring me Lou. The other boys don't think there's anything wrong they just say it's how you're dealing with the exhaustion from the tour but I know you Lou and I know it's something more so god dammit just tell me so I can help you!" I raise my voice as he's clearly hurting and he expects me just to let him but I love him too much for that to happen. Shit, I love him?