Finding Christ

Seasonal Depression

As the sun hides behind clouds, the air gets cold and everyone stays inside to the warmth... a lot of people get depressed.
There's actually a lot of science and medical facts as to why this happens, but I'm not going to go into that. 
Firstly, my personal opinion is that depression is not a sin. 
A lot of people that have never expeirienced depression think that. They seem to perceive that depressed people are ungrateful (which is untrue).
It is however, a sin to succumb yourself to depression; to close off your walls and shut people out. 
There is sadness, but hope and joy can be found through God and in God. 

Philippians 4:8 -
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Sometimes we get really caught up in our thoughts. 
We wallow in pity, and sometimes it's not even pity... but just sadness. The dwelling in sadness. 
The changes in weather where snow falls and everything is cold, tends to make us stay inside. This isolates us, either increasing or causing depression. 
So I understand how it feels to be stuck inside my mind. I know EXACTLY how that feels because I struggle with anxiety and depression (I'm not yet sure what type of depression I have). But the matter of the fact is, if we focus on the goodness of our life - then goodness will be reflected into the outcome of situations in our life. 
It's incredibly hard to do this. I struggle a lot with feeling down - like a weight is pushing on me. But depression and anxiety for most people (some cases differ), is something they struggle with at least a little bit for the rest of their life. It's something we have to constantly battle, something we have to constantly rebuke and say "no, you will not rule my life". 
However, there is hope. As we get older, we understand our mental illness better and are able to deal with it much more properly. We become aware of our triggers and can either avoid them or just be prepared for them (some triggers are unavoidable). 
It's hard, but with God, it's not hopeless.

Deuteronomy 31:8 - 
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

I've struggled a lot with depression on and off.
It hits me the hardest in the winter time when I am isolated and lonely.
Depression wasn't something that just happened to me out of the blue.
It wasn't like it just suddenly hit me out of nowhere.... instead it was a gradual process of feeling lower. 
This illness had welcomed me with it's dark and unknown arms wide open when I was in 6th grade. I know that I have written about this before in a previous chapter of this devotional, but I'm going to refresh everyone's memory, I guess.
I was 12 and 13 when that gloomy shadow of mental illness came and visited me. 

At first it was only every once in a while, but gradually her visits became longer and longer. 
I was lonely and I wanted a friend... so I found solace in her darkness. 

I hated myself. 
I hated every little thing about myself.
My confidence was little to non-existent.
I believed myself to be ugly, disgusting, unwanted, worthless, etc.

Just imagine that for a second, a 13 year old believing that she contained no worth.
That breaks my heart not because I used to suffer with that, but because I know that there are other people in the world now that are currently struggling with what I used to struggle with. 
I battled on and off with self harm for a long time. Until two months or so ago, I had been 7 months clean. I made a mistake when my world felt like it was closing in on me.
Old thoughts returned. I am suicidal, but I will never commit suicide.
Does that make any sense?
Sometimes I want to die, but I still hold the understanding and awareness that I need to live. I know that I will wreck the lives left behind. 
I know I am worthy because I finally actually let God stay in my heart.
I used to treat Him like someone that wasn't as powerful as He is. I pushed Him in and out of my heart, I only sought Him when I was desperate.

Now He is my best friend.
Yes, I still struggle, but I know who to turn to in my desperation... and even when I'm doing good, I turn to Him. 

Psalm 34:17 -
"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles."

God hears you, I promise.
Just seek Him always.
He is your Father everyday, not just on Sundays.

You can do it. 
My inbox is always open if you're struggling.