TayJoe [oneshots]

And Then It Becomes Delicate

Credit: imagine-tayjoe on Tumblr
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New York, October 2016

1:ooam

Martha and Gigi left not long ago. I asked them to come over for dinner so we could hang, and then they ended up staying longer when I offered them a glass of wine and my life as a topic of conversation. It was nice to actually forget Joe for a few hours, although he had to come up during our conversation....

Flashback

We all sat on the ground, holding our glasses of wine from opposite sides of the center table. Meredith slept on Martha's legs and Olivia watched us over from the top of the couch. Everything was going just fine as we talked about the new album I was about to start in a few days. And then...
"So, how's Joe?" Martha asks to start up conversation. I see Gigi smirk from next to her.

"Really?" I furrow my brows.

"Had nothing else to ask?" Just when I wasn't thinking of him, which is quite a rarity these last few days.

"We didn't say anything during dinner, hoping you'd be the one to say something, but you don't share anything, so..." Gigi says, leaning on the table and supporting her chin on her hand. I roll my eyes at her and she fires right back.

"Oh come on, just tell us how things are going."

If only I knew... I think we've reached a decisive point in all of this, a delicate one.

Things are dangerous... He's the one I dream about when I sleep. The one I want to share the little moments of my days with. The one I want to call when I feel lonely because I know he would make me laugh somehow.

And that shouldn't be happening...at least not this fast. I guess there's just something totally different about him, and it's not just the way he knows my body, but the way he knows and treats me. He's just so humble and caring, and even though he's younger than my exes he's so mature. He's has such a realistic view over our world, and I'm able to have real conversations with him. He actually listens what I have to say and it's so refreshing to have someone who wants to know how my day was, instead of asking how I am just because.

But I'm afraid to walk this wire. I know I'm about to fall out, and I don't feel strong enough to stop it. I know he's a good guy, but I'm a mess. I know it. And as much as he may like me too, all my baggage can be a stop sign to all of this. I can't say I don't understand it, but he isn't something I want to let go of.

But I don't tell them all that. Instead, I shrug. "Okay, I guess. We're just enjoying each other's company."

"But..." Martha continues.

"But she likes him!" A smile creeps onto Gigi's face as she speaks and leans onto Matha's shoulder.

Me? I say nothing. I just pour more wine in my glass and drink it. All because can't admit it. It's too frightening to. I know...classy.

End of Flashback
———

Now I lay in bed, awake in the dark, looking at the ceiling. In my head, thoughts run around, and I just can't shake them off. And they are all about him. After talking about it with the girls - I ended up to, because they wouldn't let it go - I realized I can't do anything about the way I feel about him.
I know I'm one to develop feelings easily, but it never happenned so naturally. He doens't even try, and yet he colors my darkest day, he makes everything come alive and it's like everything falls into place. Everything feels right with him.

And yet...

He has a normal life, a career about to start. I've got a reputation and camera flashes everywhere I go.