Fire Hazard🔥🔥

Chapter 29

One of my favorite songs. . . It will have more of a meaning once you read more of the chapter

Recap:

 And with that, I burst out of the school and got into my car and sped away. I didn't care what happened to me, I was driving thirty over the speed limit and truthfully I didn't care. Being kicked out of school meant no marching band and I got off work for the season so I had nothing to do but sit in a room with my own thoughts which were never good.

I was pulled out of my thoughts with a loud beeping noise. I came out of my trans and swerved my car into my lane and stopped on the side of the road and laid my head on the wheel closing my eyes seeing my eyes flash before my eyes.

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Wednesday

   After what happened on Monday I stayed in bed all day Tuesday and finally decided to do something with my life when I woke up today. When I woke up I looked at my phone to see messages from Emily demanding to know what happened yesterday. Was I gonna answer, probably not? I woke up in the worst mood ever I didn't want to be bothered with anything. If I'm completely honest, I just want to end it all. I don't mean my horrible mood, I mean my life. I lost marching band, I ended up getting fired last night for the accusations against me and on top of that my friends turned me in, I don't know who lied but one of them lied about being there.

     I had nothing, no family stood by my decisions anymore. I was just a disappointment to them, nothing was ever good enough. No matter what I did they weren't happy. Plus still feeling guilty for my dad passing away doesn't make things any easier. My friends can't look at me anymore without feeling guilty. My friends in band care but it's easier to push them away. If I get in trouble for this it will be easier when I get sent away. Sitting here wasn't helping anything. Sitting in the house that has so many bad memories, it wasn't helping at all. I got up and put on a pair of joggers and a sweatshirt and headed toward the door with my phone in hand.

     I put on my headphones and started running somewhere where I didn't think anyone would come looking for me.I ran through the woods and toward the bridge that I found when I was about twelve. I used to always come here and just sit as close to the edge as I could. It was the feeling that made me come back day after day. But there was a day when everything changed. I worked every day had no time for anything, then marching band and work. Then one job became two, two became three. College doesn't pay for itself and when your not smart scholarships don't come your way. 

    After about an hour of running and six miles, I finally arrive at the bridge.  It was quiet and the water was high just like I hoped. I climbed up onto the high ledge and sat down. It was calming, after about half an hour I felt a tear run down my face. Sitting there brought up memories and emotions I thought I got rid of. I sat there for a few more hours inching closer and closer to the edge. Not wanting to stop, I lost the will to live. I didn't see a reason I lost hope. I kept inching and inching until finally, I had no more room to go. Was I actually gonna go through with it this time? I couldn't do it all the times before, I was too weak. What made me think I could do it this time. I stood up and just looked down at the water. 

    I leaned forward just a little. Close but not all the way to falling when all the sudden I hear someone yell.

"STOP, DON'T DO IT."

    I turned my head to see who it was. It was none other than Natalie. I turned back toward the water and stared down.

"What are you doing here?"

"Back away from the edge."

"Why are you here, shouldn't you be  enjoying your freedom?"

"I know you too well."

"How'd you find me?"

" Our Junior year you told me you tried to jump and when I was told you got kicked out I went to your house but you weren't there so I came here."

" Doesn't matter I'm too much of a chicken I can't do it anyway."

"That doesn't make you a chicken. At all, it makes you strong. You see something to live for."

"No, I just can't do it I'm weak."

"That means nothing."

"I tried last year and couldn't do it. That's two failed attempts in almost two years."

"And that's a good thing."

"To you yes."

"What did I do for you to hate me?"

"Are you serious?"

"I don't understand."

"Really?! You made my life hell."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, i'm sorry too."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry for wasting, what was it three years of your life with my pathetic life."

"Alexis-"

    I didn't let her finish, I wasn't going to let her make me rethink everything. This time tomorrow I'd be gone so it wouldn't matter what she said. It wouldn't change my mind. 

    After getting so far away I stopped running and started walking. I started to get light-headed, I didn't know if it was from lack of food, or if I worked myself too hard. Whichever one it was, wasn't gonna stop me from doing what I had to do tonight to make tomorrow a better day. I started running again so I could ignore the pain. Once I got home as expected my mom wasn't home. I ran up to my room and grabbed paper and envelopes. I started writing the letters that would go to everyone but Emily she deserved a special one. I sat down and started writing, crumbling paper every so often. I finally came up with something I liked:

Dear (person's name):

    I'm sorry I can't explain in person why I did this but I hope this helps you to understand. I thought I was weak, that I couldn't do it but it turns out I could. First off I don't want anyone thinking this was their fault. I did this because I was unhappy with myself. And that's my fault I changed for people that didn't matter and that was on me. I took what my mom did to me, I took that as my fault that I did something wrong. My dad dying still three years later I blame myself and that's my fault. All the things that have happened were my fault and I'm now finally seeing that. I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone, I wasn't happy and yes suicide isn't the answer but I can't take the pain and other things that come along with the things that I've done. Again I'm sorry. I hope to see you again sometime. Sorry
                                                                       -Alexis Colyer

   Once I finished writing those, I walked over to my bed and laid down. I'd write Emily's and deliver them all tomorrow morning while they were at school. There was an act 80 day but I could get them out fast enough. I was determined.

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Whelp, one last chapter and that will be the end of this book. I might do an epilogue, I don't know yet. But I hope you like it. I also might start writing another book but I don't know yet. :) Vote and comment please and thank you in advance. And Happy new year.