LOVE,POSESSION AND OBSESSION (completed)

CHAPTER 17

I'm back again! (wala atang naka miss sakin eh. :( ..

Anyway Happy New Year my dear readers. Love you all! :) Here's an update hope you like it!

*****

-ZACK

'That should be me, holding your hand...
That should be me, making you laugh...
That should be me, this is so sad
That should be me...
That should be me...
That should be me, feeling your kiss...
That should be me, buying you gifts...
This is so wrong
I can't go on...
Till you believe
THAT SHOULD BE ME !...'

I watched as he kiss him.. That should be me! Ako dapat yan eh. Cloude was supposed to be mine! At hindi sa kanya!

**
I was on my last year in high school when i first met him. My first love! Nasa 6th grade nun si Cloude. He was the most beautiful thing i first laid my eyes on. Unang kita ko palang sa kanya alam kung magkakaroon na sya ng malaking parte sa buhay ko.

Growing up i know there is something wrong with me. Because I was more attracted to guys than to a girl. I was so scared dahil takot akong mahusgahan ng tao lalong lalo na ang pamilya ko. I was born and raise to become the best. Being the only child i was. Takot akong ma disappoint ang parents ko that's why kailangan kung itago. I grow up pretending i was straight but the truth is i'm gay.

Only my friends knew about it. Halos takot ako nung una nung sinabi ko sa kanila na i was gay. Hinanda ko ang sarili ko for the worst. Pero they did not judge me instead tinanggap nila ako ng buong puso. Hindi ko nga din akalain na aamin din si Chase na he was Bi. At nang dahil dun ay mas naging close pa kaming apat.

Basically Cloude became the love of my life. My first love.

Simula ng maging magkaibigan kami ni Cloude ay mas lalo akong naging masaya. Gustong gusto ko laging nakikita ang maganda at maamo nyang mukha at syempre ang mga ngiti nyang nagpabihag ng puso ko. And as the day goes by mas naging close kaming dalawa. Lage nya akong hinihintay sa paborito naming lugar. Na tanging ako at sya lang ata ang nakakaalam. I was so happy at that moment. I was so happy to have him.

But every happy moments has to come end. My father knew about me being gay and about Cloude. He was so mad about it. He even beat the shit out of me. He was very disappointed at that time. He does'nt want to have a gay son. I understand 'coz i know it was my fault, but i did not chose to become gay. I did not chose to become like this!! I was his only child, their only child but... hindi nya ako matanggap!

I was grounded for weeks. No cellphone, no computer, no tablet, none. Even my friends hindi nila pinayagan na makita ako. I was broken deeply inside. At that time i badly want to see him. I want to see the boy who captured my heart.. but i can't.

After that ,my father decided na papuntahin ako ng france. Right after my graduation. Ni hindi man lang ako nakapag palaam ng maayos sa mga kaibigan ko lalong lalo na kay cloude. Tanging sa sulat ko lang napahayag ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya at ang pamamaalam ko.

Sa anim na taong wala ako at nasa france, training my ass off para sa business namin at to prove to my father na kahit ganito ako kayang kaya ko padin syang maging proud sakin. It was hard as hell! Pero kinaya ko para sa sarili ko at para kay Cloude. And in the end, naging matagumpay ako at naging proud sakin si papa. Natanggap na nya din ako at he even supported me sa lahat ng ginagawa ko ngayon.

I was happy, pero may kulang padin sa buhay ko at yun ay si Cloude. He is still my first love. Wala pading nag bago dun. And i still want him to become mine. Kaya nga ako bumalik ng pilipinas para sa kanya eh.

And now seeing him soo happy with my best friend. It broke my heart. Slowly and very painfully. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit ang mag mahal. Pero bakit kahit na nakikita kung masaya na sya sa piling ng iba ay bakit mahal na mahal ko parin sya. I still fvcking love him so much that it hurts! I still want him, I still want us to be together! I want him and only him! God it hurt so much...

Why?!..why it has to be my bestfriend.. bakit sa lahat! Bakit ang kaagaw ko pa ay ang kaibigan ko! Why?!!

I looked at them with tears in my eyes for one last time before i walk away and say..

"Hindi kita susukuan Cloude.. I just love you soo damn much na hindi ko pa kayang ma wala ka sakin ngayon "

*****

Wawa naman si Zack :( ..

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