Random thought

Elevation

My life was damn good when I was a little kid. My family and I would go on trips, we would go to a restaurant every two weeks, basically everything I asked for I recieved.

However.

As I got older, my mom did too. I didn't realize it then but my mom grew tired and going to work everyday was a hassle, but she did it for us. After moving out of the big house I lived in we moved to an apartment and life still was okay but then my mom retired. All the material possessions I expected to receive stopped coming and life started to change for me. My mom still tried her best to give me and my brothers everything we wanted but eventually she couldn't balance bills and the expensive items we wanted but didn't need.

Soon we couldn't afford to live in that apartment and thought for a period of time that we would have to live in our car. We lived in hotels and other people's homes. We had to learn how to "cut and contrive", that's what my mom called it

Through that period of change I had to grow up quickly, I was the one who took care of my mother and my brothers took her for granted. On top of all the financial issues the family issues started, and having two brothers who have mental health difficulties made it hard for everyone. I was eventually left to my own devices, there wasn't a lot of time for me to develop my identity or make a bunch or friends and I went through depression and I thought self harm was the only way to get through it. I had to teach myself how to live on my own basically and it was difficult.

Being everyone else's sense of stability taught me how to help others but didn't do much to help myself. As a result I was programmed to put everyone before myself.

Even more time has passed and my eldest brother has his own family, my second older brother is still mentally unsound and I still make my mother my priority but I am not the same girl I was.

After some time, it brings me to right now.

Now,
I make time for myself, I'm no longer depressed. I have 3 friends lol but they actually support me (I don't believe in keeping a bunch of fake friends around me) . I wouldn't say I'm happy solely because I believe that happiness is not a state of being. Life is better, I live in a house. I'm wise as fuck ngl and witty and charming (apparently I have a way with words 😉)  I continue to work on my flaws and have reached a whole new level of mental elevation. I'm secure and semi-confident.

I easily could have let the hardships in my life change me and I could have left this earth a while ago, but I came to terms with all the changes and here I am. 

My writing kept me alive.

(I've never written my life story down publicly and it's scary, putting your personal life on display but here it is, it's nothing I am ashamed of and I'm proud to actually put it out there.)