Part 5: Fucking Failure

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A long, hot shower was calling you after the gym

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A long, hot shower was calling you after the gym. In retrospect, maybe a cold shower would have been better. You found yourself playing the whole exchange at the gym over and over in your mind. Except when you replayed it, it was slow motion and Careless Whisper was playing and maybe there were shooting stars or some shit in the background. You also didn't spazz and run for the hills. You stayed put and had a nice conversation that led to dirty, sweaty sex in the locker room. You laughed to yourself. Yeah, that would have been something alright. Jesus, were you actually blushing thinking about this guy?

You looked at yourself in the mirror.

"Don't be a fool," you said, your voice echoing in the empty apartment.

You wrapped a towel around yourself and sat on your bed, looking around. Your flat was sparse. You still hadn't unpacked your suitcase. You ate take away from the pub nearly everyday, always pocketing the plastic utensils because silverware was a luxury when you didn't even have couch to sit on.

Exhaling dramatically, you leaned back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. What am I doing, you thought. This was supposed to be an adventure but you couldn't shake the feeling of being an absolute failure.

Just then, your phone went off. You crawled off the bed to grab it from the bathroom. It was your mom Skyping you.

"Hey, Ma I just got out of the shower," you held the phone up to your face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

You raised your eyebrows,"What? Why? What do you mean?"

"You've got that look," she replied.

"Oh, what - this look?" and you pantomimed putting a noose around your neck, sticking your tongue out.

"Not funny," Mother was not amused.

"I'm fine, really," you said, "Look, can I call you back when I'm not naked and soaking wet?"

"I worry about you, Y/N. You're all alone over there and I just don't understand what your plan is." Plan? She actually thought you had a plan?

"Same," you mumbled, irritated that you were having this conversation once again.

"What?" "Nothing, Ma, let me call you back later, ok? Love you." You ended the call and tossed your phone on the bed. Nothing like a pep talk from your mother.

"Fucking failure," you sighed.

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