Imagine: Boy Toy

Part 60: F.I.N.E.

"I don't know what to do," you looked at the giant beast warily.  Tom picked the biggest goddamn horse for you to ride.  Like, this thing was mythically big.

"Hook your foot into here," Tom demonstrated for you, "then grabbed here and hoist your leg over.  I'll help you."

You nodded, licking your lips then grimaced at him, "What if it doesn't like me?  What if it senses something weird about me and wants to throw me off?"

"It's not a dragon, darling.  You'll be fine." Tom reassured you, "Anyway he's a he, not an it.  His name is Gerald."

"Gerald?!" you laughed.  Who the fuck names a horse Gerald?

"Come on," he waved you over and helped push you onto the saddle.  You grasped the reins tightly, fearful you might fall.

Tom climbed onto the other horse, whose name you didn't know.  Probably Susan or some shit.

"Alright, we're just going to take it real slow at first.  Remember what I showed you."

You nodded.  He was being so attentive and careful with you.  It was fucking adorable.  You loved how enthusiastic he was about the whole thing.  When he was previously explaining the technique of riding, he was beaming and laughing while he taught you.  His attitude was always so infectious.  He seemed happy.  You hoped you had something to do with that.

Tom grabbed his reins and made a clicking sound with his tongue.  His horse started walking ahead of you.

You gave a tap with your heels like he showed you and your horse began moving, following him. You wobbled a bit but clenched your thighs tighter to help steady yourself.

"There you go!" Tom said encouragingly.  He stopped and waited for you to catch up, then rode in step along side of you.

"You're doing great," he said.

"I have a great teacher," you smiled.

Tom nodded in agreement, "I hear he's very handsome too.  And well endowed.  Very, very well endowed."

You shrugged and made a face like, Meh.

"How dare you!" Tom he gasped, his jaw dropping open as his hand fluttered over his heart.

You giggled at him. Goof.

"Y/N, I want to talk to you about Homecoming.  About what the plan is." Tom said seriously.  Your horses started making the turn around the bend.

You didn't want to talk about him leaving.  You were trying to avoid that subject the best you could.  Being apart from him for so long, terrified you.  Not because you couldn't be alone.  You were actually pretty good at that.  You were terrified that things would change.  That he'd come back and it would be different.  That the time apart would make him realize that he didn't really love you after all.

"I don't really know how to navigate this," you said honestly, "I'm trying to figure out the balance between being supportive and knowing I'm going to miss the hell out of you."

Tom stopped and grabbed Gerald's bridle to stop you as well.  He looked at you, listening.  His brow crinkled with concern.

"And the chance that...maybe you won't come back to me," you said, sounding sadder than you meant to.  You weren't trying to throw any guilt his way.  That was completely unfair.  Still, you thought you were doing a good job of being fine.  Fine, just fine.  F.ucked up I.nsecure N.eurotic and E.motional. Fine.

Tom looked surprised, "Y/N, why would think I wouldn't come back to you?"

You fidgeted with the reins, not looking at him, "I don't know.  There could be a lot of reasons. You could decide you like it better there.  You could maybe fall for someone else. You could...maybe change your mind about loving me.  I don't know."

"Oh is that how it works?" Tom chuckled slightly, "You can just change your mind and suddenly not be in love?  That seems like bollocks."

You were silent.  You wished the subject had never been brought up.  Can't you just live in denial for a little while longer.

"Come here," Tom said.  You looked up at him, questioningly.

"Come up here and sit behind me," he motioned for you to get off your horse and you did, slowly and carefully.  You walked over to the side of his horse (Susan?) and he reached down to you. You grabbed his arm and he lifted you up onto the saddle.  You nestled in behind him and slid your arms around his waist, holding him tightly.  You leaned your cheek against his back and breathed in.  That was more like it.

"Hold on," he said, but you already were and you were never letting go.  You know you're going to have to eventually let him go, Y/N, your brain insisted.

But I just got him, you protested.

You can't hold him back.  His life is about to change immensely.

You sighed against him.

"I know," you whispered sadly.

"What?" Tom said.

"Nothing," you said kissing his neck,"I'm fine."