Run (A Bucky Barnes Recovery Story)

23 Together

“Since when do you talk to Bucky?” Steve asked Natasha as she walked through the door of his apartment. “Since when do you go out to dinner with Bucky?” Steve was trying very, very hard not to be jealous, but he needed answers and he wanted to know what he was doing so wrong that in the presence of someone else, Bucky had made great strides in the field of being happy that Steve had never seen. And that’s what really hurt him, in the end. That Steve couldn’t make Bucky smile.

“Since he looked like he needed a friend,” Natasha said. Her words weren’t intended to be hurtful, but they stung Steve to his core. Natasha realized her blunder almost immediately after she’d spoken and she whirled around to face Steve, who looked like he’d been hit in the face, and tried to patch up what she’d done. “No, no, Steve, please, that’s not what I meant, it was just, at the meeting with Fury, while you were in with him, Bucky just… I didn’t mean, you’re not a bad friend to him,” she said. Steve looked away as he shut the door behind her.

“It’s fine,” he said quietly. “Maybe he needs someone other than me right now.”

“Oh, Steve, I’m sorry,” Natasha said.

“So you took him for spaghetti, huh?” Steve asked and Natasha bit her lip and nodded.

“He, um, he actually called me,” she said. “And asked if I’d like to go try it with him.” Steve pondered this for a quiet moment.

“Was he happy?” Steve asked. “He sounded…” And Steve left it there because he wasn’t able to describe exactly how Bucky had sounded.

“Well, you know,” Natasha replied. “He wasn’t a happy-go-lucky ray of sunshine, but yeah, he was coming out of his shell a little. He seemed comfortable.” Steve nodded and took a deep breath and, cramming his hands in his pockets, pushed past Natasha and out into the living room, where he stopped in the wide space and stared out.

It was hard with Steve sometimes, Natasha knew, because he didn’t like to advertise his pain. He kept very private and liked to put on a happy face so others wouldn’t worry about him. He was selfless like that. But Natasha did worry, and she worried about what damage she could be doing him by telling him that Bucky had been more comfortable with her.

“I’m really happy for him,” Steve said quietly and truly, he was. He just wished they could be happy together.

“How about this,” Natasha suggested, stepping closer to Steve and looking up at him from behind. “The next time we can get ahold of Bucky, we’ll plan something and we’ll all go. Maybe he’ll feel more comfortable, maybe he’ll loosen up then.” Steve turned to the side and she could see his profile and he was trying to breath steadily. He pursed his lips and nodded, putting his hands on his waist. He glanced over at her.

“Do you honestly think that will work?” he asked. “Are you trying to be nice or do you seriously think this will give us some progress?”

“It’s worth a try,” Natasha said.

“What if we overwhelm him?” Steve asked.

“We won’t,” she replied. “But if he’s panicking, we’ll back off and give him space. It’ll be okay, Steve.”

“How do you know?” Steve asked.

“Because it can’t be like this forever,” Natasha said.

After a long time, Steve spoke again.

“You’re brave,” he said quietly. “Bucky put bullets through you.” She sighed and gave a small half-shrug.

“I won’t say he’s not intimidating,” she admitted. “But I don’t look at him and see a man who’s ever going to do that again.”

“What do you see when you look at him, then?” Steve asked and Natasha thought silently for a long time before giving an answer, though vague and roundabout as it might have been.

“I trust him,” she said.