Arizona Dreaming

Into The Blue

"Love is all that matters, faithful and forever."-Eric Carmen

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Hindi ako nagsusulat sa diary.

It was more Arizona's thing.

Pero ngayon, habang nakaupo ako sa ilalim ng puno ng mangga at iniisip siya, bigla kong naisipan na subukan.

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How do you say goodbye to the person you love the most?

Do you use the short form bye, wave your hand casually then turn your back hoping she doesn't see the fat round tears falling one by one?

Or do you hold her tight and wish that this were a dream?

That you never really met her that unsuspecting June morning?

That her, standing in front of you with an angry expression, was just your imagination?

There was no blonde girl with the leather boots, silver-studded bracelet and the tattoo on the right wrist.

You didn't stare into the bluest eyes you've ever seen and got lost there for a moment.

Today, you are not at the airport holding her hand, drowning the sound of the lady on the speaker announcing the flight to San Francisco.

Today, you are not about to lose the girl who taught you how to love.

The girl who helped you discover who you are and what more you could be.

You tell yourself that you are probably asleep in the hard bed you share with your sister.

This moment right here, the heart-wrenching moment when you feel everything inside you is restless and nervous and unsettled, this is not true.

This is just a dream.

You are not biting your lips or swallowing hard to push back the emotions down your throat.

Your palms are not sweaty.

Your breathing does not come in short puffs because you are trying very hard to smile and be sensible.

You did not hear her say she'll come back to visit during school breaks or that she will write you letters everyday and send it all at once.

Or that she will call on Friday nights as much as she can.

It will be Saturday morning here.

When is next Saturday, you ask yourself because you cannot wait till then?

Maybe Saturday will be your favorite day from now on.

You did not hear her make a suggestion that you to create an e-mail?

An e-what?

She smiles and your heart melts.

You love that smile not only because it is warm and meant for you but also because the color of her eyes lightens when she's happy.

She patiently explains the process.

The words sound cryptic to you.

Internet, modem, computer.

Where do you find a computer?

You have no idea but you say yes.

You don't even know if it was possible but you agreed because you want to feel that she's still here.