Love to Hate You • E.D.

nineteen

In a flash it seems, I'm standing in my bedroom staring at the bag that my prom dress is in. My first prom. My first school dance. Tonight is a night of firsts for me for sure. I slowly take the slim dress from the plastic, careful not to rip or wrinkle any part of it. I shimmy out of my own clothes, standing in front of my full length mirror in my panties and no bra.

Did I gain weight?

Will this dress even fit me?

Who was I to think that I actually looked good in this dress, and to think Ethan would actually like it.

You're getting in your head, Ana.

Then I begin to cry silently. Good thing I don't have makeup on yet. I cry while studying every curve and crevice of my bare body, biting my lip. Shakily, I pull the black dress on me, and that's when I realize that I need someone to zip it up. Lucky for me, my mom knocks and peeks into the room.

"You need help- oh honey, what's wrong?" Her expression softens while she approaches me, wrapping her arms around my shoulder to pull me in. She soothes in my ear.

"Shh, tell me what's wrong. Did that boy hurt you?"

I shake my head no before looking at her with watery eyes.

"I'm not good enough for him, mom." My voice desperately cracks while my lips form a pout. I start wondering what he's doing right now. Is he getting ready too? Is he having the same problem I am? Of course not. He's got too much pride for that, right? Since I've become close with him, I've realized he isn't always as self centered as I perceived him to be at first glance.

"Baby girl, look at me. Sit," She motions to my bed for both of us to sit. When we do, she zips the back of my dress before speaking.

"Believe it or not, I had this same problem when I was your age. It was no secret that boys were coming at me left and right, asking to date me, asking me to school dances, heck some of them even asked me to marry them! But when I finally found the one I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I spent hours and hours crying over him, over me, and over what my future with him would be like. You don't have to make any big life decisions right now, sweetheart. Just have fun with it, see where it goes. The man that I had spent hours, even days sometimes, feeling like I wasn't good enough for...that man is your father and he loves me just the way I am, exactly how I am. And with the way you talk about it, it seems like Ethan feels the same way about you. You are such a beautiful, intelligent young woman, it'd be hard for any boy not to love you! I know you aren't into the whole dating scene, but give it a go. Seriously. I've seen plenty of heads turn in your direction when we go out, and that is no lie baby girl. You really have something special with this boy, but going to a dance with someone doesn't necessarily mean you have to date them, but just be open to it, okay?"

By now, my tears have dried, and I am intently listening to my mother give me a rare heart-to-heart talk. She wipes the last of my tears and then claps her hands together with a smile on her face.

"Why don't we get that hair and makeup done?" She suggests. I nod and show a soft smile before I hug her so tight I was afraid I may hurt her. But when she hugs back, I feel so much love that I may start crying all over again. These things don't happen often.

By the time we've got my hair and makeup all finished, mom smiles proudly at her work, and Ethan will be picking me up in under a half hour.

"I feel like I'm gonna barf." I say as I stand in the middle of the bathroom. Mom puts her hand lightly on my cheek, smiling. She looks as if she's about to cry, and I see her eyes glisten with tears.

"Oh, baby, you'll be just fine. And if you barf, make sure he's there to hold your hair back." She winks with a chuckle. It feels like it's only been a minute, but she looks out the window and her face lights up.

"He's here!" She says like she's the one going to the dance. My cheeks become flushed, my heart stops, and my stomach drops. I feel frozen in place as she grabs my hand to drag me into my room for finishing touches. I add perfume to my wrists and neck before mom looks me up and down.

"Perfect." She shows a toothy grin.

The doorbell rings.