countdowns

the eleventh

After all the shit I put you through, you deserve an explanation.

It was hell in Hell (that sounds really ironic but you know what I mean). I know I deserved to go there and I hated every second that I was there.

What was weird is that I was... lonely. Despite having Tara ripping my heart out on repeat... I felt alone. Well, I've always been lonely and I deserved to be so. But when you pulled me out, you saved my life.

You didn't make me feel alone, and that was the first time I had ever felt like I was part of something.

I had to save you, I had to be there. I couldn't leave you, not after everything you've done for me. You gave me a purpose, you gave me a home. Every moment being with you made me fall even more in love with you.

I know I was a douche and I left, I deserved every fucking word thrown at me. But it was the best thing for both of us, given the state I'm in right now.

I... I'm ill.

I have this black wolfsbane instead of me, it's been flowing through my blood for years, I don't know how long. The Dread Doctors told me that it was going to be good: that it was going to make me stronger than an Alpha.

Well, it's obvious they lied.

My blood's turned black, it's taking over my whole body. I'm starting to forget things... Wait who is this? Liam?

When it reaches my heart... I don't want to talk about it.

I have these phases: my wolf comes out but instead of my eyes turning yellow, they turn black. I become violent and your name is a trigger to wake me up.

But we all know that isn't always going to work. Soon, I'll forget you and I will leave with nothing.

I'm going to die, Liam.

I didn't want to tell you this soo soon, my love but... Deaton has a plan: we're going to try and burn it out. Before you go all protective on my ass like the cutie you are, I'm doing this. I'm doing it for you.

I have to, I'm not going to let them win. I want us to be together, baby blue.

I love you Liam fucking Raeken, I hope I can call you that one day.

Theo :) x