countdowns

the eighteenth

Dear Theo,

I'm sorry I couldn't see you before I wrote this cause obviously I couldn't... but I don't want you to hate me or Scott or anyone in the pack for what happened.

If you're awake and reading this, that means it worked. If not, well it was worth a try. The reason that you're alive - if you are alive - is because I helped you to.

I wanted to give you my heart, baby. I'm giving my heart so that you can come back and live the life that you deserve.

I know you'll be angry, you would say things like: why would you do this and just wonder what the hell was going through my mind.

You didn't have the greatest childhood, we all know that. You killed your sister, you were constantly manipulated by the Dread Doctors, you lost everything. You changed from an innocent little boy to a horrible monster. You tried to hurt the people you knew since you were a kid, your friends, you killed one. But that was the old you. That Theo Raeken is long gone.

When the Ghost Riders came, I knew we couldn't hold them off, we couldn't beat them on our own. So I brought you back from Hell. Everyone doubted me, saying that I was being an idiot to even consider bringing you back but I didn't care. I didn't care with Scott and Lydia yelling at me, Malia on the edge of clawing my face off, I knew that we needed you to help us fight. I knew that you would fight by our side, no matter what.

And you did. You were able to redeem yourself, you fought for what you thought was right. You fought for good, something you didn't understand but you did it anyway. You saved the people who thought that Theo only cared for himself or would help if he could get something out of it. But I knew. Oh, I knew that you cared. You cared because you kept coming back to save me, to save the pack from the Ghost Riders, from the hunters and that bitch Monroe.

And that's the thing I love about you most. After all, it was what made me fall in love with you in the first place.

But you being a changed man now doesn't make up for everything that happened to you before. You didn't deserve any of it. You needed a new fresh start to a new life and yeah, it may be without me but you deserve it, that's... that's the most important thing.

I hated it when you left. We were just fine, our relationship was going strong and everything was perfect. Then you disappear, with no word, nothing. Even though you were gone for months, I could still feel your arms wrapped loosely around my waist.

If you told me that you were going to die, then we could have dealt with this sooner and maybe we might not be in the place we are today.

I know it's a big jump... but hasn't our relationship been big jumps? You pulling me into the elevator, twice may I add, risking your life for me again and again, saving my idiotic ass... I had to do it, Theo. You've taken so many risks for me so maybe it was my turn.

I love you baby, you know I do. I love you soo fucking much, I could say it to you every day if I could. I know you might hate me after all this but I wanted to do this. The last thing I wanted to do in my life was to help someone I love. And you were my first love, so what could be better?

Just don't forget me when you're happy with someone else. You're an attractive guy with a charming personality, you'll have guys and girls falling at your feet in milliseconds, my friend. You'll find someone else and I'm okay with that, don't worry. Seeing you happy is the only thing I wanted in this life. I want to watch over you with a partner with children, you finally having the loving family that you've been waiting for and longly deserved.

I'm sorry we had to end in this way but not all endings are happy. Just remember our journey to it. I love you, my first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything. Thank you for being there for me, I couldn't ask for someone as great as you, Theo Raeken.

Liam Dunbar.

•••••

HOLY GOD THIS IS THE END, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I'VE REACHED THE END OF THIS!
i was going to write theo's ending but i wanted the book to end with 40 chapters because i'm ocd about that so i'll let your little minds come up with his ending :) comment them so i can have a read!

but yes, this is the end of countdowns, an idea which i've had for a while. listening to this song, my mind instantly switched to them, these boys have gone through so much and we all could see the chemistry between theo and liam, it was soo bloody clear that they love each other. it was just a shame that they didn't happen but hey, a girl can dream.

i wanted to give this girl faith_ari a shoutout who has been here since the beginning. seeing your votes and comments honestly make my day and to all of you would read and actually enjoy my writing, it just makes me so happy. so thank you!
who knows, i might release a new thiam book soon or later but i have something cooking up in my drafts that i'm excited to show you!

but again thank you all for reading this hell of a mess of a book, it means soo much :)

Faiza :)