countdowns

the seventeenth

Dear Liam,

This is probably going to be the last thing that you'll get from me, actually it is the last thing you'll get from me.

I need to explain my disappearance. I've hidden it from you for a while and it's time to tell.

I came to Beacon Hills because of the Dread Doctors as you know. And then all that shit happened and I was sent to Hell.

When you brought me out, I was thinking of legging it out of Beacon Hills, no one wanted me there anyway after all. I was a nuisance, a painful memory. I had torn the pack apart before and I wasn't gonna let it happen again. But that all faded away.

Saying that I was your responsibility just... I don't know what the feeling was but I thought for the first time since I've been back was that maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

You, Liam Dunbar, changed me from being coldhearted monster to a considerable person. You understood my agony, my pain and I couldn't be more thankful.

I was happy with you, truly. You were my first love, how couldn't I be? All the time we spent together, the first lacrosse match I went to when you were co-captain. I loved every moment with you, blondie. But when Deaton and I discovered what was happening to me, I couldn't hurt you. You've gone through so much, with the hunters and Scott. You didn't need it.

That's why I left. I didn't want to be another problem added to the pile. You were the only reason why I stayed and believe me, I didn't want to leave you but I didn't want to hurt you either. How could I?

You deserved better, Liam. I saw you with Nolan, the way he looked at you. I hated that he liked you, maybe loved you but you were happier around him, more happier than you were with me. You being happy was the only thing I wanted for you to be. So, I couldn't infer, for you.

You deserve happiness— no, you deserve the fucking world because the world is soo lucky to have someone as incredible as you.

I'm sorry for everything, baby blue. The lying, the pain, you didn't need that.

Maybe some day in the future, I could come back to you. Maybe as a vision or a dream, I would love to see you again. I imagine you with someone else, with children. I would love to have a family with you, Liam but I know that can't happen. But please don't let me stop you being with someone else.

Like someone told me, you fall in love more than once. You will stop loving me, baby but I'm okay with that.

I love you and thank you for everything. For being my friend, my love. I couldn't ask for a better life than to be spent with you.

Theo Raeken :) x