Single Father • Namjoon + BTS!Kids

EXTRA: LISA

i know it's not a lisa gif but i saw this and i wanted to put it in here so here it is, you're all welcome

I think it's great that Jimin was found.

I think it's great that their family is back together.

I think it's great that Namjoon is ignoring me.

It's not like I don't get it. I'm the one who messed up the investigation that kept his child out of his arms for 5 years. I know. I know.

Maybe if I would have found Jimin sooner, he would care about me more.

Maybe if I would have been there with him when the gun went off, he would answer my texts.

Maybe, maybe, maybe...

What I hate the most is that this isn't who I am. I'm not the girl who sits around waiting for her Prince Charming to rescue her. If I have problems, I fix them. If I want something, I take it.

But I can't take Namjoon away from his family.

He's the one thing I wanted that I never could have.

And the funny thing is, every time I felt something toward him, every time I found myself falling deeper and deeper into his charm, I wonder if he was even thinking about me at all?

I don't have to wonder, really. I know he wasn't. That's why he doesn't reply to my messages anymore, because Namjoon had something he wanted and he got it.

Leaving me empty-handed, alone.

It's not that saving Jimin wasn't good enough for me. It was, it is, it will always be. When I wake up in the morning, my only consolation for my past mistakes is the fact that Jimin's home now, that he's safe now.

I still have the note he wrote for me. A neon sticky note, trapped inside a glass frame. My most prized possession.

If anyone came over, they'd probably ask me about it.

But nobody comes over.

I live alone. When I crave contact with people, I go over to my brother's house. Yugyeom and BamBam always have enough energy to take my mind off whatever it's stuck on. Hugging them makes me feel less alone and more loved, even if it's only for a little while.

Like Namjoon and I, trapped together under horrible circumstances, for a little while. But the sand in that glass has long since run out, and I'm the only one who wishes I could flip it over and start our time together anew.

I wonder if Namjoon ever thinks about me. Not as a police officer, not as a work associate.

As me.

Lisa.

But where in his mind would he ever have space when his whole mind, his whole life, is filled with six beautiful children?

But not a wife, my mind whispers. It likes to play this game, a game I call It's absolutely hopeless, a game my brain calls But it's fun to torment yourself.

Stupid things give me hope. No ring, an ex he won't be getting back together with ever, the way I can look into the kids' eyes and see how desperately they crave a mom.

But it's all pointless. I know that.

There was a reason why the first wife left and, as bitchy as she seemed, I can sort of see why. How painful it must be to stand beside someone you love with all of your heart, only to see them looking elsewhere, never at you.