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Control was easily surpassing the rest of the mature genre in the contest for level of maturity, grammar, and writing style. There was very little to find that were off, which I was happy to see, but it mostly concerned a grammar mistake I saw occurring again and again.
There were incomplete thoughts and sentences finishing when they should have been extended with a comma instead. Some sentences were not independent clauses or failed to keep the writing in a calm flow.
With that said, there wasn't much else to complain about. The protagonist is a female, Eva, who has a lovely mental Angel who promotes sexual thoughts about a man named Gavin , has a chapter all narrated by her, in which occurred the most mature situation: sex.
I was surprised, not because I wasn't expecting it, but rather because the other entries were based on Mature because of lgbt elements or vulgar language, so this story really helped tie in all the mature elements of the book. Seeing as it is a short story, I wish that the first two chapters were more revealing of some type of plot, which it may have done, but I was instead drowned by the authors way of words (which was sometimes interrupted by a period where I thought a comma would be better appreciated).
I would recommend this story to those who would enjoy a well written sex scene, with a bit more story elements found after the first sexual encounter. From the beginning you already know the story will be well written, and it doesn't fail to keep reminding the audience. I mean, look at the comments, there's already a group of dedicated Wattpadders who love the story, hehe.
There's a lot I can criticise, which I love about the book. @TheTrueTerrydactyl presents a work of literature in third person limited in an abstract way, with elements of both dystopia and humor. Set in a future with a destroyed America from war, Freddy is a mutant who says bad ass lines and acts as a killing machine when promoted to.
The plot of the book unfolds slowly, yet at a steady pace since the New "Old" World has yet to developed. I wish the narrative voice, which was both a nice touch but failed in certain areas, would have displayed information at a more comfortable pace and with better technique. There was also some unneeded information that could have been eradicated from the story, which would sometimes have the story flow much better.
There were some grammar mistakes considering punctuation, since some forms of usage with periods were done in the standard of Europe, while in other areas of the text, it followed American guidelines (I may be wrong, there could have just been prominent punctuation mistakes across both systems). I also found some misusage of periods and commas, in specific: some areas needed commas and others did not.
These errors, along with others that have not resurfaced from the reading, did not deteriorate from the content. Though a bit cliche in the way that the dystopia is set up, I found it unique enough to give it 4 points because of the more thought-out aspects of the world (so much so I find the narrative to begin giving information instead of showing).
Reading this attracted me as a reader and a judge, ultimately having me rating it a 8/10 for overall enjoyment because it seems to be able to attract readers of humor, action, and adventure. There were sentences from what I've already read that I feel in love with right away, which really lead me to that conclusion.
The story has a lot of content as a begins, and with the content, an onslaught of words, but it disappoints in its execution. I enjoyed the Norse ideology, and some philosophical touches the story included, but some aspects I found to be common with other stories I have read.
The protagonist has a character that is already building; a 6 foot homosexual male with a ponytail, and a more explosive though process, as "heard" from his mind (; I wish there were more memorable qualities to the character.
The sentences in the story drags a lot, and there are definitely parts that can be cut out and improve the story by doing so. Then again, some parts, such as the introduction of the Sofia was a nice dab of humor in the story, which I found a bit bland ): after reading the description that he's an assassin, I was thinking there would be some action on demand.
My overall enjoyment was on the lower side because the story lacked in action for me, especially for its genre. How the environment and actions are typed is less show and more tell, which makes the reading a bit dry. I appreciate the lacking of grammar mistakes, but the story falls into a long drag of mediocre settings I didn't find too fun to read. My enjoyment suffers even more so with the transitions, falling more on the weak side.
Nonetheless, I loved the ideology and the names of the demigods. Their personalities were developed from the start, and the ideas portrayed by the story has already got me thinking, from the democracy to suffer in Hel or not to, and then the dinner with the servants and their respective masters, ("just Dimitri, haha).
At first look, I thought of the title and cover to both be beautiful. The use of the semicolon is wrong, but it creates some sort of aesthetic effect that the cover elaborates upon.
And that is where it ends.
The story is centered on two wives who have their own conflicts in their respective working environments, veiled in LGBT and Mature themes. I disliked how Alex's gender wasn't mentioned until much too later (for me), but it would be a great small plot twist if played with better cohesion.
I also recommend a very hard editing process, due to the onslaught of improper grammar and dialogue. The story touches on sensitive topics but fails to relay the message because of such grammar mistakes, which taint the message. Characters are somewhat built, but society has been built sufficiently by the first few chapters. I also found the dialogue to be nice and natural, but that is overshadowed by the weak transitions which come as an influx to the reader throughout the chapters.
"Do I Know You" amazes in the Narators voice. It's distinct and even without a prior warning, allows for obvious distinguishment of which character POV is active. From what I've read, Mikki is a usually bold and snarky girl who prides herself in pranks until one is experienced by none other by an important person who could very well put her future in danger. Then Jared is introduced as a rich, prominent man, one who has a rusty past that involved the protagonist. From there the story develops.
The story is very much in need of revisiting to edit. How the sentences flow isn't great but manageable, but makes it a harder read. There are some great parts, though ruined by the obvious grammar mistakes. Characters are strong in quality and are developed enough to begin the story. There are parts where unnecessary information is disclosed, such as when the story describes the characters apparel for the day. I wish the characters were a bit more relatable, but her pranks made me cringe since I'm a goodie-goodie, hehe.
Overall enjoyment was a * for me, since some parts bored me since it seemed like a bit of filler, but other areas were entertaining.
