After Ours - Exodus_Reimagined
JUDGE: kink_shit
I did enjoy reading the first few chapters! I struggled a bit choosing between this story or Battle of the Killers to be first place, but I had to go with hers. Placing you in second place had more to do with your structure of the story rather than the plot itself, which was good in my opinion. Your character gave me chills in the first chapter, as she sits in a empty room with a dead little girl laying besides her! Oooo! The fucking chills I got. This whole story is post apocalyptic, zombies are swarming the world, and they are hunting and coming for everyone. Erica was found with her ankle damaged, in pain, her saviors picked her back and took her back to their home base. Okay okay! Now let's get to the actual judging.
Grammar: There were noticeable errors that I spotted and corrected a long the way. While reading through the comments it seems as if many different people spotted the same mistakes and tried to give you feedback as well. I highly suggest you take both their's and mine suggestions. It'll make your story 20x better. Some of your sentence were structured oddly, again, I gave tips in that as well in the comments. Please take them. They were noticeable, but they did not completely wreck your story.
Character Building: Good enough. Doesn't leave that much of impression but it isn't bad. In the first few chapters, the "walkers" doesn't seem it affect them all, all the characters that I've been introduced to. And I found this a bit odd. You don't want all of your characters to react the same, it's unrealistic; humans react to things different, so show it.
Writing style: I enjoyed your writing style! I really did. Inventive, but slightly confusing. But, I got the hang of things!
Uniqueness of the Plot: It's a Zombie story! That's awesome, but I did find it cliche. Because you know, it's...a...zombie story. I can see you throwing in unique factors. For example when Erica looked through a window and seen a grinning figure with the head of her sister being held in its hand. Shocker, no one could see it!
JUDGE: bowrinj
Normally I enjoy lots of discriptions, buy this had simply too much, interupting the story itself and making it move very, VERY slow. In a different genre, I'd be praising the writing insanely, but for what is supposed to be a horror? Nope, sorry.
JUDGE: AylaAntoni
Feedback: I liked how the author jumped right into the story! The cliffhanger from the first chapter was delightful to see, it really got me curious as to where the story might lead! I enjoyed the details, poetic descriptions, and the natural reveal of background information. The plot line regarding the undead was a little cliché, but the writing style set the story apart :). All in all, well done!
Battle Of The Killers - KozmicKookieDxD
JUDGE: kink_shit
When I first read this story, I hated it, hate it all. The short chapters, the overly dramatic and enthusiastic Jookie, and the very weird Tini or Betinia, but as I read pass the 3rd chapter it grew on me. Though, I have a few nit picks, the first two chapters were a bit to telly, I wish you would have left out a few bits and parts, so in the future chapters what is/was said would have gave a whole different level of shock, then it already was. (I don't really want to spoil anything for the reader, so if you want, I could private message you and give out my personal suggestion). Onto the actual judging.
Grammar: Has very few mistakes. A person can read this book smoothly and barely notice any errors. Please don't use slang or texting speak. I pointed it out before and I will again, it's love not luv.
Character development: Again I will dock at point for character building, it's great, but isn't amazing! I feel like you gave who and exactly what Tini is way to quickly in this story. She's weird, we know this by the first chapter. I wish you would have allowed the readers to find that out by ourselves instead of telling us. She (Betinia) told us a few times herself she's extremely weird and not normal. Come on now, we have brains, we could have figured out that she isn't exactly normal by ourselves.
Writing Style: I don't know why, but I loved your style of writing. I enjoyed reading it. It wasn't extremely hard to follow and it was very easy to read.
Uniqueness of Plot: I feel these story have it's own unique factors, but there were a few things in there that's been done before! But, that's okay. It still had me getting goosebumps traveling down my arms and my heart beating rapidly as I struggled to get to the next page. It was page turner, for sure.
Overall enjoyment: I likeeeeed it! I had my dislikes, but I did really like your story! Here's some words of encouragement: Keep up the good work :)
