Another Cliche Story - makcheetah
JUDGE: kaninga_duh
At first, I didn't really know what to make of this book, as the writing style was one I've never seen before. Only after reading the whole book, can I see that it was unique. It definitely was unique, but it's not easy to follow, because it jumps from the third person narrative to the first person narrative without any hints whatsoever. I enjoyed the plot, the storyline, and I really like the messages behind, and you deliver it so nicely and smoothly.
JUDGE: Jennovelist
grammar: I spotted a few run-on sentences and homonyms misusage, but the rest was in good condition.
character building: The description of Teddy was just pasted in the first chapter like the writer expects us to absorb all the information at once. A good character must be gradually introduced.
writing style: Your description style is what makes the scenes in the story fresh and interesting for me to keep on reading.
uniqueness: The opening of the story was a scene every teen fiction books has. For people to be interested in reading your book, even if your title screams for cliché, start with a scene not about a character waking up through her alarm. Most scenes were decent though.
JUDGE: arlised52
Grammar: Needs edits in multiple places, especially in dialogue punctyation. With little proofreading, it can be a very smooth read.
Character building: Personalities were abruptly shown, rather than easing in. But even so, it was very interesting to see Teddy's thoughts.
Writing style: The story had a professional tone to it. In some places, that's a disadvantage, while in others, it's an advantage.
Uniqueness: The slow progress into Ted and her feelings and discoveries was really nice. The story was very unique and capturing.
Overall: It has a nice plot and is very carefully arranged. It's just the little editing mistakes that need to be taken care of.
JUDGE: Claire_Alice_Maxwell
There were only a few grammer mistakes overall and only some noticeable. There were a few slip ups on the characters style and the writing style was unique but confusing too, considering the change of point of view's. The plot had both similarities and differences from other stories. Though in the end I did like it!
Coma - ElixabethP
JUDGE: kaninga_duh
The grammer is fine, but you seem to be a bit muddled with the past and present tense. The main problem is the punctuation. Please add punctuation. There's always a fullstop missing or something. Otherwise, grammer's good. Your writing skill could be improved, and the first 3 chapters are just idle conversation that a lot of people have. Meeting a cute looking boy in Starbucks? It seems a little bit cliche. The exciting bit is when she finds out Chloe's in an accident. For your first time, it's already good, you still have a lot to learn.
JUDGE: Jennovelist
grammar: There's a slight problem with a few sentence syntax. (... and already she is party planning.) It should be... (... and she is already party planning.) There are lots of run-on sentences too. Run-on sentences are two sentences you combined together into one sentence.
character building: You could've shown more of what your characters' different personality were in the first chapter. They all sound the same to me.
writing style: You're a dialogue-focused writer, and I'll appreciate that more if your book was based on chat or letter. My suggestion is to add more introductory scenes of the character herself in chapter one to form more backbone of the story.
uniqueness: Not much to say here. Just the fact that they met two cute guys in a café. That's how the love story between Max and Grace started. I skimmed through the fourth chapter onwards to find a falling action in the plot. So far what I see is a Grace vs. Grace conflict, and a story wouldn't be interesting if there were more conflicts aside from the contemplation of her feelings for Max. I'm waiting for the real story to begin a.k.a the accident and coma. Don't forget your plot development.
