TRISTFUL. GRUVIA

I. RAINING TEARS

EDITED: 7.02.18

☽

j.l — 

The rain was dripping loudly, the sound echoing on the many rooftops and the ground itself within Magnolia.

The aura of my surroundings flourished of an eerie, sickening, gloom. It infuriated me, as it would always chase me wherever I went, like a shadow that could never disappear, never leaving me alone, always finding a way to be by my side.

A disgruntled noise could faintly be heard through the misty drops of the several clear droplets of liquid, a noise that I heavily loathed. I had been cursed to live with it for my whole life, and I despised that trait of mine, for it would imply one thing. I was sulking into another river of tears that I was known to cry, especially when I was a child.

I had thought that Fairy Tail would be able demolish those nightmares of loneliness, to erase the scars that had been weaved into my thread of misery. But I was wrong. It would just strike back again, like it always had. Nothing could fix me, no one could heal me. I was just an incurable toxin that obliterated smiles, that washed away Gray-sama's smile due to my peculiar approach at gaining his love.

How I plead guilty to the act of plummeting into a wave of bottled up feelings that consisted of uncontrollable, depressing, angst. How all of this would be expressed through the shedding of a single tear that would begin to multiply and multiply . . This was what I had become accustomed to over the years, to the point where I was practically almost oblivious to their occurrences.

Why does Juvia have to be like this?

I was so far away from fitting in, my head and my heart reaching out to be normal, to be like all of the other guild members of Fairy Tail, but every time I tried, I was never close enough. I would never be close enough.

I could indisputably be compared to a needle in the haystack, one who was a rare find, one who was always hidden from what meets the eye in the outside world. I had only wished to be noticed more, to no longer shatter into a million pieces once again after being hurt by the people I truly loved, the people I saw as my family.

My life must sounded like it came out of a book. The further a person may progress into my pages of sorrow, the better it should get. Emphasize the word, should. I longed for things to turn out brightly, but I knew that would be impossible. I was born this way after all, to live miserably under the protection of the umbrella that hanged above me.

In reality, my life wasn't all that stereotypical. It wasn't like the ones what most people would normally think of when they pictured a person who was invisible. Those people usually ended up having a secret talent, having a desired personality, he or she being an overall unique individual. But I was different from those people.

I was just Juvia, the rain woman who had an obsession over the guy she knew she would never have a chance with.

Lighting struck, anger laced in it's harsh contact with the ground as the noise of thunder followed in the distance.

I am nothing more, nothing less. That is all there is to me.

I am useless, I am nothing but bland.

My ears are intensely attached to the sound of the rain as it continued to rage through, the clarity of the depiction that represented my feelings coming in a single mixture.

There was no way anyone like Gray could ever fall for someone like me . .

Not someone like me, the girl who has always been a nuisance to him with her stalker like habits.

The sound of the rain was becoming more tremendous by the second, the earth even beginning to tremble, because of me.

He's too perfect for me, there was no way I could never reach his level . .

I am just too broken, too desperate, too despicable . .

And everything became dead silent, not a single sound to be heard.

My hands began to wipe off the tears that had fallen in silence, that had fallen alone. I had to wield the droplets away from sight, for they were the ones that were meant to be locked in a secret place, forbidden for anyone to take notice of.

Everything was fine, I'm fine. I was in total control of myself.

Those words mentally echoed in my head, my mind in dire need of convincing myself into believing them, of being fooled into those senseless tricks of encouragement.

Then again, I wasn't dumb.

I knew the actuality of the situation here, I knew the boundaries of my inner persuasion. Maybe I was still stripped of a smile, maybe I was still lacking of light in my life . .

However, it was pointless to put the burden of my countless problems onto the weight of my peers' shoulders. They had their own issues to deal with, to worry about - I wasn't the only one who was on a rope of struggle.

I was blemished of the image of a petty child who cannot take care of herself, who cannot maintain a well being in which happiness thrived. I needed to quit the act, and instead shift my focus onto fulfilling my promise to Gray-sama, to prove to him that I was worthy of his affection.

I will protect him no matter what it may cost, even if it means that we'll never end up together, even if it means I'd never be able to see his face again, even if it means the end of me . . because I love him.

I finished erasing the rest of my tears, and walked to the guild.