TRISTFUL. GRUVIA

III. EMPTY

g.f — 

I felt empty, empty without her there with me. I could always sense her presence somewhere nearby, reassuring myself that I would be okay, that I would make it another day.

That feeling..it was gone now. It had disappeared right before my eyes before I could stop it. It was as if it were a candle, filled with light that would give me at least a little bit of brightness, a little hope, when my world had become pitch black. But this candle had deteriorated. It wore out, and was now rusty and old, ever since that one mission.

It was the one mission that would enclose on me, slowly plaguing my mind one fragment at a time, until I would disintegrate as well, until I would bestow upon the darkness that had been cast upon me. I regretted taking her..it was the reason Juvia had become critically injured.

I gripped the tree for support, trying to fight back both my physical and mental pain I was experiencing. I was too weak after the monster sucked up all of the energy inside me, leaving me with little to no magic left. I couldn't defend myself any longer, the monster was too much for me to handle.

Juvia was nowhere in sight.. I told her to run away ages ago to call out for help but she wasn't back yet, and now I was destined to die. Alone. The slimy creature was preparing to make one last attack, the attack that would abolish my name from the present, the attack that would turn me into ashes.

Nostalgia filled up inside of me as I prepared myself to face the world of not living, to not be able to see the faces of the people I had cherished the most. I couldn't leave them, I couldn't leave them now.. For the first time in forever, I felt a cold, liquid, substance, falling down my cheeks. Tears. I immediately tried to wipe them away, trying to force myself to stay strong, for the sake of everyone else.

I heard a rumbling noise, and knew that my time was up. I was going to die at this very moment. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look, not wanting to be able to see weak self being attacked.

Just as the spell that the beast had created was about to make contact with me, I suddenly heard the voice of a girl scream. I instantly opened my eyes to see the familiar blunette right in front of my face, taking the hit for me.

I helplessly watched Juvia as her eyes widened in horror as pain entered her body from every direction, a look that I would never forget on her face.. She screamed in agony, trying to withstand the suffering. Her struggle made my eyes burn, my stomach beginning to quench, knowing that this was all of my fault that this had happened to her.

"J-Juvia, don't leave me!" I yelled, as I tried to reach out to her.

She locked eyes with me, the scars clearly evident on the inside, and the out. "Juvia is sorry t-that she had failed to p-protect you, Gray-sama. I promised..but I still couldn't."

She faintly smiled at me for the last time, and then collapsed to the ground, after receiving a bitter beating.

Determined to save her, I used all of my strength to get up, and I picked her up bridal style, abandoning the battle and heading toward only one direction. The guild.

Why did she save me? Why did she have to be the one putting her life at risk for me when it should've been me who took the hit? I deserved it..for being blind to the fact that she had always been there for me while I had done nothing to repay her at all.

The memory made every bone in my body shake. It made me miss her all over again. I needed her.

The same, overused words that were spoken by her. "Gray-sama, Gray-sama!"

They echoed in my head nonstop, not being able to escape from my mind, not being able to stop reminding me of the event that had torn my heart apart into several pieces. They were the words I once loathed, the words that I used to have no doubt of ever wanting to hear again. I never thought that I would ever want to hear them again, but I did now.

Even if she made one little sound, it would be okay. I just wanted to know that she would be okay, that I would be okay.

I remembered the way she used to grab a hold of my arm, her hands firmly attached to my skin tightly, as if she needed me to protect her, even though I knew that I had failed to that.

I had to feel that soft, warming, touch again. It was the one that gave me a sense of calm when I needed it the once. Her touch made me feel like the waterfall of nightmares I have to suffer from could stop, that I could be content, that her touch was my happy place.

Her blue, ocean, eyes, were the ones that had been especially driven into my mind, the ones that would stare deep into my soul as if she understood how I felt, that she could mend the pain. The love they were filled with was like a burning fuel, a fuel that would never run out because she was always determined to receive the same love back.

It could cause a person to become madly insane, just like it did to me.

As I continued to watch her as she unconsciously lied on that bed that was as clear as ice, the ice describing my own cold, cruel, personality, as I continued to wander into my thoughts of despair, I finally had the answer to that question.

"Would you ever do whatever it takes to save me, to take that extra step into protecting me?"   

Yes Juvia, I know it may be too late to say this, and I know that I had failed to fulfill that promise the first time.. Nevertheless, I promise from the bottom of my heart, to be there for you no matter what, to protect you so something like this would never happen to you ever again.