TRISTFUL. GRUVIA

II. BELIEVE ME

EDITED: 7.15.18

☽

j.l — 

Immersing myself into the hands of a non-existent universe, a wanderlust of imaginations yearning to be true, but only leaving me to be stuck in mere reality - a reality in which I would spend my days being as useless as I've always been, spectating everyone as if I were astray from the concept of socializing.

I recalled when I used to be able to see no struggle in talking to someone, to anyone. I recalled when I used to be able to let out a chuckle, to express blissful emotions. The ecstasy of being able to truly belong . . it fascinated me back then, for I had never been able to experience those things without being pushed away, without resulting in loneliness.

You see, that was my high tide, a time in which the waters of the sea mask over the bumps and hardships of the world, a time in which everything that had previously eradicated my emotions would just vanish.

But where did that high tide go?

But where did I go?

Now trapped in the low tide, an effect that washed away the gloom that I had thought to shut out, that I had thought to exterminate, I returned to a fractured, to a fragile, hostile, state, where envy bites like a tiger, and words killed like a deadly disease. Plagued of no self motivation, I am bounded into hate towards my own identity.

I bit my lip as I took another glimpse at the guild members, the guilt of jealousy clouding over me. There they were again, laughing, conversing, eating, drinking, and breathing, together, all of them living their lives to the fullest.

And then there was me.

Isolated, again, the raindrops dancing around me as if I had nothing else to be entertained by. Just looking at them made me feel more perturbed, more further away from obtaining the sort of feeling in which I would finally be relieved from my pain.

I rolled my eyes in disgust, a loathe for a certain blonde only further reminding me of what I clandestinely wanted to be, yet couldn't. In the form of a girl named Lucy Heartfilia - or also known as love rival - as much as I adored her, I have also found myself to have a mutual sense of despise towards her.

For her, and the traits that she possessed, the traits that were impossible for me to share. Born a beauty under celestial skies and sliced to utter perfection, Lucy was a very attractive girl with a heart of gold, and an intelligently motivated spirit, thus granting her to topple under the solicitous wing of two particular men, Natsu and Gray-sama.

Even though the words of confession had never been spoken aloud, it was the look in their eyes that gave it all away. That tender gaze that would softly land on her, their pupils filled with so much care, with so much passion - you could easily note the weight of their immense love for her. If only Gray-sama would feel that way for me instead . .

"Hey, Juvia," a familiar voiced called out to me. My focus shifted back to reality, my eyes widening as I confronted the face that was addressing me, Gray Fullbuster. My stomach quenched, his well-built, muscular body, causing my lips to quiver.

It was strange, for I was giving all of my attention to the one guy who saw me as oblivious to his existence, yet the same guy who had brought me a source of tranquility, the one who had made it less difficult to lift the load of shit that was being bombarded on top of me, probably without even knowing it. 

Maybe it was because, what he had done to change my life was really worth my affection, regardless of how it had somehow failed along the road, regardless of how much the happiness that was accorded faded away through these past years . .

"G-Gray-sama," I spoke, the words barely managing to come out of my mouth.

He brushed his raven hair back, "Natsu, Lucy, and Happy, just left to do a job without me . . and you see, since I was bored, I was uh, wondering if you'd like to take a request with me, since we work really well together in battle."

A job . . with me?

With Juvia Lockser?

Impossible.

Timidly smiling, I shook my head in disbelief, my footsteps beginning to trot in the opposite direction from where he stood. I couldn't stay, I didn't want to stick around for this whole joke he must've been pulling on me.

"You can't mean me - well, Juvia means, you do but, she would only be a distraction for the mission. B-besides that, you would get annoyed by her so I - well - I might as well decli-"

"Juvia," he interrupted, whipping me around. His retina was fixated onto me, a solemn countenance enveloping his face. "Please."

And that single word was all I needed to ensure that I could stay.

"Okay, Juvia will go."

A grin stimulated onto his lips, one that appeared to be quite genuine, that it left me startled. I blinked to ensure that I wasn't hallucinating, that my eyes weren't deceiving me, but sure as hell, it was real.

"Cool," he exclaimed, "nothing could possibly go wrong with you by my side for the job I picked out."  

"Thank you . . it, uh, it really means a lot that you'd bother to ask me," I muttered.

"I - uh - well, it was nothing! It really wasn't . ."

"Believe me, it was everything."