TRISTFUL. GRUVIA

V. THANK YOU

Feedback on the book so far would be great! (:

- Calista

☽

g.f — 

"I'm sorry but, who are you?"

At the sound of those very words, every bone in my body began to ache, my skin tingling in a strange way as I began to have this empty feeling side.

Juvia..she didn't remember me? I-I was too late. The relationship that we had once had was now gone, her personality completely different from what she used to be..she wasn't even speaking in first person. All because I had failed to save her from this fate she would be cursed to live with for God knows how long? It was all of my fault..

If only I didn't take her on that mission, if only I had-

"Juvia is sorry t-that she had failed to p-protect you, Gray-sama."

I shook my head as the words resounded in my head, staring at my hands, not being able to meet my eyes with her.

"Juvia is sorry t-that she had failed to p-protect you, Gray-sama."

They were trembling. I tried to clench them tight to stop the vibrations, but they wouldn't. They were still shaking as I became more traumatized by the new version of her, by the last words that were spoken to me before she had lost her memory of me.

"Juvia is sorry t-that she had failed to p-protect you, Gray-sama."

Why wouldn't these words just fucking leave me?

I lost all control over myself, my body not being able to restrain itself any longer. I had reached my limits with myself. I bit my lip and charged at towards the wall, my fists making contact with the material. I punched and punched, each hit becoming harder and harder as I became angrier.

Her soothing hands then rested themselves on my bare shoulders. Juvia's hands. I froze. Her soft touch made my body tense as it brushed against my skin, reminding me of her old self, reminding me of how she used to touch me just like that.

I felt her face dig onto my back, her face soaking wet, covering my back with her tears. "I-I didn't mean to forget you, I-I didn't mean to cause you this much pain. I'm sorry.." She murmured.

I was the reason for not just my own pain, but hers as well. She didn't have to apologize, and she shouldn't have. She did nothing wrong. The blame was to be put onto myself. And yet, she was still holding onto me, begging for forgiveness. I didn't deserve this, I didn't deserve the love she was giving me, for the second time now.

"You did nothing wrong..don't apologize. Please," I said, just as the door opened, Master Makarov and Wendy appearing.

"Since Juvia is awake, you'll have to leave while we check up on her, okay?"

I nodded my head as Juvia locked eyes with me. As I drowned into those deep blue pearls, I could feel the sincerity and sorrow she was giving me, her emotions strongly affecting mine as well.

I could feel shivers coming down my spine, sensing myself becoming weaker and weaker as I eyed her, her and her sudden change of personality. Since when did I become this vulnerable? My mind throbbed of curiosity, wondering and waiting.

The awkward silence and anticipation building up inside of me was starting to bother me, my head beginning to ache. I was overthinking this, I needed to calm down.. I was sure that whatever she was going to tell me wasn't going to be that big of a deal, but she was most certainly taking forever to speak.

She grinned at me, then said, "Thank you, for everything."

"Gray-sama, please listen carefully as Juvia speaks these words," She utterly said. I was shocked..not only were her eyes different, but her voice too.

I nodded, desperate for her to just say what she has to say before I was completely drowned in confusion and trauma, before I would lose my sanity.

She took a deep breath. "Okay," she began to convey, "would you ever do whatever it takes to save me, to take the extra step into protecting me?"

Juvia looked away, her eyes wandering upon the shining sun in the sky as in attempts to not meet mine, "I would, because I love you."

I choked the air, almost losing my breath, the atmosphere making me feel a bit uneasy. I didn't know how to respond to such a question. I wanted to say yes, we were comrades after all. However, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. Knowing Juvia, she would take it the wrong way, and I have no romantic feelings for her whatsoever. She was just a dear friend. But I couldn't say no either. It would hurt her feelings. I just-

She sighed, starting to walk away. "It's fine..I guess you don't feel the same way. When you do, let Juvia know. I'll always be waiting for you, Gray-sama."

A pit in my stomach began to form, knots twisting and turning inside as her footsteps trailed farther away from me. The feelings of disturbance, a loss of control, a longing for a certain water mage to come back entering my mind as I still tried to process the order of events that had just occurred.

As I snapped back into reality, the memory beginning to finally fade away from my mind, I gave her a smile in return in hopes it would convince her that her words made me feel much better than I had before, even though it was making me loathe my past decisions even more.

Why was she always there for me, making me feel better or keeping me sane when I needed it the most, yet at the same time, she is the one that breaks my heart, the one that tears myself apart every time I look at her?