TRISTFUL. GRUVIA

XVII. THAT EXTRA STEP

g.f —

"U-Ultear?"

I was shocked. It was impossible for her to be right by my side at this moment..she was supposed to be dead. She was yet another person who had given up their life for me, who had died because of me..

Her faded figure better revealed itself as she came closer to me, making me come to the realization that she was indeed a ghost. A dim shade of grayish white masked her visible skin, her long, dark, purple, hair, hidden beneath the shadows of the cloak that she wore, her lips curved into a frown.

The touch of her hand reposed onto my bare shoulder, its crisp, eerie, feeling, causing me to flinch. It felt quite unusual to have a ghost make physical contact with me. I could sense Ultear's soft breath against my face as she inquired, "What were you doing, Gray?"

Still lost in trauma, without the slightest idea of a decent excuse to fake, my words ended up being a scattered disaster, coming out very jumbled, the sound of unsureness clearly evident in my voice. "I-well I uh, well, you see, there was this bird that suddenly fell from the sky and I, you know, being the curious person I am, decided to check to see where it went?"

She shook her head in disbelief, remarking, "I'm not as stupid as you think..of course I wouldn't buy a claim as such. Besides, I had seen everything that had happened. The image of you that I had witnessed in front of me minutes ago did not appear to be the event that you had just described."

I turned away, refusing to meet her eyes. I was afraid to look, not wanting to exhibit the pain that I had been keeping away for all of this time, not prepared to come forth to what would happen in the near future.

There was a brief moment of silence, neither of us daring to speak a word, to wind up the start of a conversation, to break his lack of noise. The air felt stiffening, the tension being felt among us. It was as if we both had something to say, but couldn't gather the courage to speak up.

"You were about to jump, weren't you.." Ultear spoke, demolishing the abstaining of speech.

I could feel my heart racing, just waiting for the  instant that it would pound strong enough for my chest to burst. I didn't want to reply, in fear that it would ruin my disguise, in fear that it would exploit my countless amount of lies, once more, but I knew that I had no other choice but to do so. "N-no, I wasn't. W-why would you ever think that?"

"Gray, stop lying. I know you better than that. Your words may be telling me one thing, but when I look into your eyes, they tell me a while other story," she told me.

"That i-isn't true.."

As if she didn't hear my response, Ultear continued, "Why did you do it? Why did you want to..kill yourself?"

God damn, why are my lying skills so crappy?

It wasn't just Lucy who could read me, but Ultear too.

Stuck in a state of surrender, I truthfully I answered, "I am going to die anyways, it would all happen in matter of time. This fate I am talking about wasn't made by choice, or meant to happen due to old age. It is instead caused by a curse in which I'd have to stop by somehow getting Juvia's memory. But I know that'll never happen.."

"Gray, are you-" Ultear began to say, but I interrupted her.

"I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me.. It's probably best that things are happening this way. I'm only the one who brings her pain..she'd never want someone like me, nor would she even need me. Lyon is there for that reason, he's her knight in shining armor."

A cold, violent, slap, suddenly swung across my cheek. I blanking stared at the girl and yelled, "What the actual fuck?"

"I wasn't going to ask if you were okay, you idiot..you didn't let me finish my damn sentence.." She scolded, "I was going to finish off saying, 'Gray, are you fucking kidding me?' And I mean it. What would the old Juvia think of that? You were her whole entire universe, you meant everything to her!"

"But Ultear, the old Juvia is gone. The past is the past, and we can never get it back..I, can never get it back. Life changes, and I just have to accept that.." I muttered.

"Deep inside of Juvia is her old self..it's still in there, somewhere. You just have to help her find it. You want her to be happy, right? She'll only be restored to her own joy if her memory returns."

"Well, you do have a point..I do want her to be happy, so I'll do it..but only for that reason," I cautiously said, adding, "Also so you'll stop annoying me."

Ultear smiled, "Now go get your girl!"

I furrowed my eyebrows at her, my pupils widening as I attempted to process the words she had just spoken. "She's not my girl, she's just uh..she's well.."

Her head leaned towards my ear as she whispered, "She's what?"

"She's just a close friend."

The girl smirked, "Yeah right.."

"She is!" I objected.

I followed Ultear's gaze, which found itself looking at her hands. I watched as they became more faint, the sight of it more difficult to see. They could practically be invisible at any moment. She spoke quietly, "I have to go now..I think my time is almost up."

I nodded.

Her footsteps began to trail in an unknown direction, pulling her farther away from where I was standing. She was in a position in which I could barely see her. She turned around and faced me, shouting out, "Goodbye, and good luck!"

A bright, golden, streak of light, then surrounded her body, parts of her washing away into the atmosphere one by one, until I could no longer see her.

My fists balled together as I thought about what Ultear had just adviced me, about what I had promised to do.

My mind was set on doing whatever it takes in order to get her memory back, to protect her from living a completely different life she wasn't destined to live. I would take that extra step, just like Juvia had done for me numerous times before..because I missed her.