TRISTFUL. GRUVIA

XV. THIS IS MY GOODBYE

Why my dumbass was irresponsible and didn't provide this warning until a few months after this chapter was published?

Absolutely no idea.

But besides the point . .

WARNING: The following chapter contains content that may trigger harmful thoughts. Please do not read this section of the book if you believe it will critically effect you in any negative away, thank you!

- Calista

☽

g.f — 

I decided to take a walk throughout the streets of Magnolia in attempts to clear my mind as I tried to process the situation I had been put in. Alas, none of this was working. Every little thing I that I thought about, every single object or person that I looked about, reminded me of Juvia, the girl that had been always on my mind, yet the girl I was supposed to forget.

"Every time you think about Juvia in a depressing way, it can put you at risk of suffering. This is because when the monster drained your energy, it was allowed to control your powers and use it against you by making your emotional pain turn into physical when you she comes to your mind. Wendy was luckily able to prevent it from affecting you for a month, so you should try to undo the curse by trying to get Juvia's memory to come back while you have that advantage. Once the monster knows you are no longer vulnerable, they won't be able to do anything to you. If you don't complete this, you can die."

Those were the words Master Makarov had told me after I had woken up from fainting. They echoed in my head once more, causing my heart to palpitate at the disconsolated thought.

It would be an impossible thing to do..to get her memory back. I didn't know how the hell I was supposed to do that, especially since Lyon had been tampering with her view on her very own past.

I forced myself to be bitterly sincere with myself. I was going die, no matter what I did. If I wasn't even capable of saving my own comrade's life, what were the chances of me being able to restore her memory out of all things?

My eyes rested on the snow as it softly, slowly, drifted downwards, disintegrating as it made contact with the surface, my feet pacing as I repeated those five words to myself. The five words that I didn't want to convince myself to hear, yet had to.

I was going to die.

Still focusing on the same image, I thought about how each flake could have so much energy, until it hit it's breaking point, how it would then melt away, gone forever. That's what it felt like between Juvia and I, the cruelness of fate playing with us as if we were dolls, as if we had no feelings at all.

If the universe was just going to continue to pull us apart, then there was no point in trying. There was no point in having hope, wasting my energy, if the rainbow wouldn't even shed the slightest ounce of color in the end. It was just a dead cause.

Lyon was destined to be there for her..not me.

If only I could back in time. If it were possible, I would've done so by now. But the past was the past, and as much as I wanted that to happen, as much as I wanted things to go back to the way they were, before that stupid mission, before she changed, before I changed, I knew that day would never come. It was impossible.

A young child bumped into me, interrupting my thoughts.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's okay," I patted his back.

I watched as he ran back to his group of friends, their snowball fight continuing. Each of them were wearing huge grins that made me feel sick inside, the expressions on their faces reminding me of how Juvia used to smile, how she used to look at me in that very same way.

I shook my head, knowing that I couldn't stare at them any longer before my heart tore apart, and began to walk away.

My footsteps continued its path, my mind set to where I was going. I stood in place as I found myself on top of a cliff.

I had arrived.

I peered from the high distance above the ground, overlooking the landscape, all of the buildings, all of the people, looking like tiny, colorful, dots, from where I was standing.

I can do this. I can jump. I should just get over it..it would end my suffering, and it may even end hers.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what was to come.

I'm sorry Juvia, I'm sorry that I'm leaving you so early, I'm sorry that I was responsible for all of this happening to you..But I must do this, I'm doing it for you. This is my goodbye..

"Gray, what on Earth are you doing?" A voice called out.

I turned around. "U-Ultear?"