Loved you First (Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter 19

It's freezing, actually freezing. Well what did I expect in Ireland. I go to tug on my covers but my hand can't seem to find them. Instead they find a large source of heat that felt was smooth, like skin.
My eyes open and I sit up, the memories of last night filling my mind.

The black body con dress with cut outs at the waist, had been retrieved from the back of my wardrobe and I silently thanked myself for the early morning runs I'd done as I entered the after party. And I'd thought my outfit was a bit too much but even in the hallway of the house, girls everywhere wear dresses in the smallest amounts of fabric.

Loud music filled the crammed house, I couldn't even hear Tom talking to me, handing me a stereotypical red cup. I attempt to decline, thinking over what could happen and the hangover I'll have, but I remind myself it's the last night with these people and I tilt the cup into my mouth, putting it on a counter as we make our way into what seemed like the living room. The liquid burned my throat but as the sting subsisted, I could feel my shoulders loosen and my smile grow.

With a sudden surge of confidence and my sound mind not aware of what I was doing, I stepped away from my group who had began to mingle at the side of the room, and join the bunch of outgoing people in the middle dancing to the music. Not my usual position at parties, though I hadn't been to many.
I swayed to the noise, occasionally pushing my hand though my now messy hair and throwing my arms in the air, spilling the mysterious liquid everywhere. Oh well, I thought after considering to clean it up, not my house.
The song had changed to a slower, but equally as loud, song and I was still dancing on my own among the crowd. Large hands made their way to my hips, I would have usually have pushed them away, but my intoxicated state and the familiar smell of Tom; I continued to sway to the music and push my back onto him causing his arms to explore my body.

After a couple of hours, I was completely drunk, and so was everyone else in the place. The music had began to die down and the amount of sleeping bodies had increased on the couch. Tom and I collapsed, completely tired out from our dancing and were sat in the corner of the room.

I hadn't seen my friends all night, I caught a small glimpse of Cameron taking shots of a girls half naked body and Hollie declaring that she was going to play beer pong, but despite that it had been Tom and I all night.
"It was so rude you know" I frowned and complained, sitting in between his legs my back facing him watching as people filtered out and the few stragglers who were still going strong.

"Yeah, so rude" he nodded as he did the first time I ranted about Niall's behaviour . " He was a lucky guy, if I had a girl like you, I'd never let you go."
I gasped at his words and turned to face him
"Surprised?" He grinned and I laughed "come on Em, you know me"

I nodded, finding my eyes fixated on his lips. He licks them as if knowing where my eyes were. The silence had become weird, paired with my stare, I'd made my mind up, I had to know. The alcohol had pushed away any anxiety of doubt and I leaned in to kiss him.
His body did not freeze or act surprised like I predicted it to, almost like his was expecting it. His lips were soft, the sting of alcohol present on his tongue that moved expertly with mine. I could feel his hands travel down to my hips and then move further down.
My body adjusted  so that I was straddling his torso and my hands instinctly moved to his chest. My entire body felt as if it'd been ignited, the sensation taking hold of me, I hadn't felt this way in so long and I missed this feeling.
My body took charge and my mind did nothing to stop it, it was in this moment I didn't have to think, I didn't want to; I was a slave to my need of satisfaction and let my body do want it wanted.

Tom pulled back from a moment, a small whimper escaping my mouth from the loss of the contact. He looked at me , his eyes darting round my face and into my eyes ,for what? permission? I was beginning to think he wasn't up to it, but his lips latched back onto mine and we continued where we left off.
This time his lips left mine and began to travel down my neck, I could feel every movement of his tongue, every swipe and lick it makes the heat in my body grow bigger, wanting the feeling that I'd been missing.

His hands gripped my thighs "hold on" he instructed, his voice low and husky. I wrap my arms around his neck and he lifts me up, still peppering kisses on my neck as he carries me upstairs to one of the spare rooms.

I couldn't remember much after that, but it was pretty obvious what must have happened. I turn to Toms body still out cold on the bed, his toned chest rising and falling. My cheeks blush at the thought of what we did.
I look round the room and see that it's pretty plain, a window at the end of the room, rain pelting down at the glass.
I silently pray he is a heavy sleeper as I slip out of the bed and pick Tom's plain white shirt up of the floor, in fact the whole of the small room is littered with our clothing from last night, I dread to think what the rest of the house looks like. I cringe at the thought of having to clean this place up, if was my house I'd have a fit.

"Hey, not thinking for sneaking out are yah?" Toms voice is raspy and tired, I turn to him sitting up, his hair in a wavy mess, his brown eyes gazing up at me.
I smile, a small chuckle escapes my mouth" no, I was actually thinking of going downstairs and tidying up. Sad, I know"

"It's not sad, it just, you." I raise my eyebrows as if to question if I was supposed to be comforted by that. He changes the subject. "Your tits look great through my shirt by the way"
I gasp at his words and fold my arms over chest, heat rising to my cheeks. He grins but shifts so that he's next to me.

He gently grabs my arms and unfolds them "they're nothing to be embarrassed of, believe me" I send him a small glare to which he chuckles at. " not just from a hormonal boys perspective, though I would love to fuck you again, but in general, you have a beautiful body,

I feel my face turning red and can't find something to say to him. "You're not used to taking about this kind of stuff are you?" He says. I shake my head. Talking about sexual stuff with my friends was limited to how far would we would go and who with, it's not that we avoided the conversation, it just never got to that topic. And anyway, we could only ever talk about it all from a girls perspective.

"Well" I say my hand reaching to the back of my neck " I've talked to the girls and that, but I've never talked to a lad about it" I say

"Well what do you wanna know? Don't hold back, this could be your only opportunity to ask" he says, his eyes searching my face for any objections.

I scan my brain thinking of what I could ask him, I'm unsure what to ask first. But once one of my questions is answered, I can't help but let the rest of my curiosity spill out. Most words feel foreign on my tongue and I struggle to make eye contact but Tom doesn't laugh or make fun of my lack of experience, he's kind and is straight forward with me. And for that I'm glad.

"I think that's it, if I think of anything else, I'll ask" I chuckle once I run out of questions.

"Yeah that's cool, you know where to find me if you do" Tom smiles, an expression that I've come to feel comfortable with over that last few hours.

My mind wonders, and I look up at him " We're just friends right?" I ask straight out. I fear that his smile may fade, that he may be looking for something more, my eyes scan his face for any negative signs but he only starts to laugh a little.

"Of course, don't get me wrong, you're an amazing girl but I don't want anything, and besides you're still in love with Niall"

"What!?" I blurt out, I'm shocked by my own out burst but how could he know. Not even I know if I'm still in love with Niall, I've been trying so long for my mind stop thinking about him and for Tom to just pop it into conversation and shrug it off.

"Emma, I know you're trying to be all independent woman and that's great, but it's obvious you still love him. And you're getting over him and that's also great but he was a big part of your life and I'm sure one day he'll realise what he lost."

I'm not sure about that one. The words he said still burned into my mind, I relive every moment in my head at night questioning, what I ever did wrong. But one things for sure, Niall made it clear he doesn't want me and I will eventually learn to live with that.