Jerrie's Adoption Story

Chapter Twenty Six

Perrie's POV

  Jade came home after being gone all day and night. I was so worried, normally she'd tell someone she was at least leaving. I was sure something bad happened to her. Thank god she's back and safe.

  I hug her while crying my eyes out. "I was so worried" I croak out. She rubs my back and soothes me. "I'm sorry" she whispers. I pull back and hit her chest bawling, "Where the hell were you!?" She tries to grabs my hands that won't stop hitting her, eventually she does and holds me close. Is she alright?

  "Let's go to bed yeah" she tries to walk around me but I step in front of her. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight." I tell her. She raised an eyebrow, "am I now? You know there's many guess rooms, can't I at least sleep there?" "No, the couch" I point towards it. "Fine" She grumbles and dramatically walks towards it, I've said it before and I'll say it again, Zoey is just like her.

  I walk back down with a blanket and pillow. I go over to her and lay on top of her, "what're you doing here?" She laughs. "I can't sleep well without you" I say and snuggle close to her. "I love you" she kisses me and I feel all the emotions she's not telling me. There's something wrong.

Jade's POV

  I left today around three. I didn't tell Perrie and I know she's going to be freaking out, but I just wanted to go out on a drive. I needed to clear my mind of all these negative thoughts, it didn't work very well. My horrible horrendous thoughts have come back.

I went to this deserted place I know that's surrounded by trees and wilderness. These woods are so peaceful and calm. Now that I think about it I should've told Perrie where I was going, she's going to flip out on me when I get home. Oh well, it's cute when she's mad.

I've been off since the interview.. I know why and I know what triggered it, but.. it's complicated and stupid! I don't know why I have to think about all this stupid stuff. Why do I have to overthink every little thing!?

I know we can't talk about our relationship, management doesn't even know about us. I want everyone to know I'm Zoey's other parent, I want them to know Perrie is mine and I'm hers. I wish it could be like that.. I don't want to hide, but then there's more scrutiny that I can't handle. I fucking hate this.

My phone starts to ring for the hundredth time. But I don't dare answer it. But I hear Perrie's voice through my voicemail, "Jade, I'm not playing. Get your ass home" she says weakly into the phone. She's so upset, it breaks my heart just to hear it. But no, I don't dare try to fix it by going back. No, I just stay here and think some more about how much I hate myself.

I honestly can not find it in me to move a muscle. I'm in so much distress right now. I've thought about everything. But something is really standing out to me.. I'm not Zoey's mother. Yes, I signed the papers, but what if she only calls me mom because I always play with her. What if it's to make me happy? I'm not her mom, Perrie is. It breaks my heart to think about it, because I love that little girl with every fiber of my being.

People can't see what it's like behind closed doors, they don't know. They don't notice how close Zoey and I are. They can't hear the words we exchange. All they know, is what we tell them, but the thing is.. we can't tell them. I want the world to know that I, Jade from Little Mix, am deeply in love with my band mate Perrie Edwards, and we have a child together. But I guess she's not my daughter. A part of me knows she is, but the inner demons have convinced me otherwise. And that's the awful part about it, she is my daughter, but apparently she's not.

I didn't realize it was now a little past midnight, damn I've been here forever! I get up and walk towards my car. Since Perrie's not here to tell me, I leave my seatbelt off, not intentionally of course... it's not long before I hear sirens. How the hell can they tell I don't have a seatbelt on!?