Jerrie's Adoption Story

Chapter Twenty Seven

Jade's POV

I'm up all night, I can't sleep. Partly because the chatter in the back of the mind, but mostly because there's an empty space in my bed. Perrie's not here for me to cuddle up to, or talk about the most random things. She's not here, and it's my fault.

It's not the only thing bothering me, Zoey has been on my mind too. What's she going to think? I mean I'm with her everyday and now all the sudden I'm not there to play fish with her during bath time. I'm not there to do our dance. I'm not there to tell her stories at bedtime. It's the little things like that, that stay with you.

We have an interview tomorrow. I can already feel the tension. What do Leigh and Jess think about this? They probably hate me for what I've said to Perrie... I wouldn't blame them though.. I said some awful things to her, when she was just trying to help me.

I can't help but feel like if I were to die now.. it wouldn't have had much of an effect on them if it were back when I actually did die.. if that makes any sense at all. Because now, they hate me; so they wouldn't be hurt. But back then, we were closer and spending every second together; so it'd hurt more. I just can't help but wonder, would it be better if I weren't here?

I look at some photos. I see most are of Perrie and I, I smile at the dearest memories. Somehow I end up on YouTube. I click on something that catches my eye, it's about Little Mix. It's an outdated video, but I absolutely adore it. It's title "I was here" and it's a Little Mix video (if anyone has any video editing abilities, I will love you forever if you make an updated version of this😂) it really makes me reflect on all our accomplishments. It's like.. wow, we actually made it this far. It's hard to believe looking back, that we are now the worlds biggest girl group.

  I smile at the memories of my friends and I, they are literally my rocks. I don't know what I'd do without them, but now they hate me... I'm sure Perrie told them about what happened, well I know she did, and I can see it now. Their faces full of anger and disgust at me. I know they hate me, what if they kick me out of the band!? They wouldn't.. would they?

  I walk into Zoey's room. I know she's with Perrie, but I guess I just hoped that she'd magically appear sleeping in her bed. But no, I'm met with Zoey's empty room full of toys all over the place. A tear falls down my cheek, she's going to hate me. I don't know how long Perrie and Zoey are going to be gone.. but Zoey gets mad if I leave to go to the store without her. I can't imagine what it's going to be like now.

  I see a picture of the girls, Perrie, Zoey, and I hanging up on the wall. The picture brings back an awful memory. It's the picture Leigh Anne would've used as her phone case if I would have died. I frown at the remembrance of her so upset and distraught. Again I think about what it would be like if I died now.

  I go back to my shared bedroom with Perrie. I decide to try and sleep, I have to get up early tomorrow for an interview I am most definitely not looking forward to. I try my best to fall asleep but it's no use. Perrie's not here beside me, providing me warmth. I can't rest my head on her chest like I normally do to lull myself to sleep. I need my love.

  I go down to the gym to pass time. Seeing as I will not be able sleep tonight. I get on the treadmill and start jogging. The doctors say not to do too much, but when do I ever listen. Oh, that's right, when Perrie's here. But she's not here.

  I end up falling on my face. Causing the treadmill to tear my face to shreds, not literally, but it still looks bad. I don't know how I'm going to explain this tomorrow.. I'll make up a story. Well I could just use the actual story, but I really don't want to hear the negative comments about "how I'm out of shape" or "too lazy to actually work" I'll say I went out to a club.. because that definitely won't bring me hate. Sometimes I'm an idiot, which is actually a lot lately.