Jerrie's Adoption Story

Chapter 50

Jade's POV

   I'm not hurt. It doesn't bother me.. I'm fine. It's nothing really. Why's everyone so concerned? 'They're not. They're just curious' I tell myself. Yeah.. I know..

She's just a child, she says whatever's on her mind.. I guess she's scared of me now. All because I can't take care of myself and don't eat. How stupid am I!? How could I not think about her!? She's probably wondering why Mommy Pez always has to tell her Mommy Jade to eat rather than doing it herself. And.. what if she ends up following in my footsteps?

My child, my daughter, the one I would give anything for, she's scared of me...

'Stop being problematic! You have too many problems don't burden them with another! You fuck up! Can't even take a simple comment. Don't let them know! They don't care' oh my little voices have returned! Oh how lovely..

We're in the car now on the way to the photo shoot. I haven't said anything we left the interview where Zoey announced on live broadcast that I look scary. Paul came on after that and of course blamed me for all of it.. which it is my fault so I deserve it. Zoey stays sitting on the other side of Perrie.. she won't sit by me. The girls are sitting across from the three of us and taking glances towards me but trying to be discreet about it, but I notice.

    "And we're here ladies" our driver announced, "Thank you" Jess says as she gets up. I just go and walk quickly in front of everyone wanting to the day over with. "Jade! Jade over here!" "Is it true!? Are you dying!?" "Will you make it to next year?" "Is the band splitting up because of this?" They all shout.. all aimed at me. I try my damndest to ignore it all and keep walking. "Be professional" I mumbled under my breath picking up my speed.

"Zoey..babe can you come here for a second?" I ask quietly, because for one I've hardly used my voice and for two I don't want to upset her.. "why?" She asks innocently. The girls left me alone with her so they could get everything situated, even though I know they just want us to talk.. but I can't- not yet. "The girls and I have a photoshoot, so please stay here and don't go wondering off. They'll probably want some shots of you too.. it's up to your mom" I tell her. She ignores me the whole time and continues playing on her iPad, well that was a stab to the heart.

Pretty soon the girls return with clothes at hand, "Jade and Perrie you're up first for makeup, Leigh and Jess you two will be in hair" the stylist tells us. Perrie grabs my hand and drags me along with her. "Did you talk to her?" She asks me. "Briefly" I shrug trying to show I'm not bothered. "Stop that" she says and I turn to look at her confused, "who're you talking to?" I ask unsure if she was talking to the guy doing her makeup or me, "you. Stop acting like you're fine. You should know by now that I know when you're lying" she says. "Pez come on. It's fine, I'm fine" I smile, a fake smile but I still smile.

"And it's time to try on the costumes" the lady shouts clapping her hands. "Jesy" She says as she points to her set of clothes she does the same with Leigh Anne, but when she get to me she stops, "umm what size do you wear sweetheart?" She asks me, "I don't know" I tell her. "Take your clothes off" she says. "No! What why!?" I ask quickly backing away from her. "I need to see how big you are. I don't think the clothes will fit you" "no. She doesn't want that. Let her try them on and show you" Perrie interjects. "Very well then." And she hands me the outfit I'm supposed to wear.

It's too big.. it hangs off of me. I do look pretty scary. I walk out of the changing room with my head low and clothes barely clinging to my body, I can't do anything right! "Jade.." Perrie says so softly and walks towards me while everyone else has their eyes on me.

Nobody's moved an inch since, it's overwhelming me.. greatly. Why's everyone looking at me!? The room starts spinning and I'm getting worked up wondering if they're judging me.. or what they're thinking. That I'm a lost cause probably."STOP!" I shout, I couldn't take it any longer and I run in the other direction.