Jerrie's Adoption Story

Chapter Twenty Eight

Jade's POV

When I arrive home I go straight to the bedroom. My eyes hurt from crying so much, and I can barely keep them open. But as hard as I try I can't sleep.

I feel so awful right now. I can't even begin to explain the pain, it feels like someone just stabbed me in the heart; not just someone, but Perrie. She knows me better than anyone, she should've known I wasn't serious.

I'm getting tons of notifications from Twitter. I unlock my phone and check to see what all the commotion is about. When I open the app I see a video. It's from outside the building where the interview took place. And of course the building has those large windows for walls, whatever you call it. Although you can't hear what's happening you sure can see.

It starts when I storm out of the bathroom. You can see Zoey rushing to my side and hugging me. I lift her up and she puts her head into my shoulder. Eventually you can see Zoey and I talking with tears in our eyes.

It then goes to when Perrie walks out of the bathroom, and I give Zoey to Jess after having to pry her off of me. I noticed something though, Perrie looking at us with a frown, she's upset. And I know it's not because Zoey and I are close, but because she sees how this effects us. By now Zoey's crying for me to come back once I walk out.

The camera zooms in on me when I walked out of the building. Questions flying my way. Anyone with eyes can see the tear tracks down my cheek and the tears welling up in my eyes. They just don't understand do they!? I can't always have good days!

You wouldn't believe the headlines: "Jade Thirlwall Of Little Mix leaving the band? See her leaving her band mates behind as they cry", "Did Jerrie have a heated discussion?", "Watch as Jade Thirlwall leaves her daughter in tears. Good mother? I think not" why can't these people mind their own damn business!? I'm sick of it!

Once I get in the car, you can no longer see me. The only person that knows what happened next is me. That's when I felt the safest today. Any other day it'd be when I'm in Perrie's arms.. but that didn't happen at all today. Right now, even though no one can see me, I know I'm not safe. I know what will be to come.. it's not the best, but I can't control myself.

~~~~~~TRIGGER WARNING~~~~~~

I walk into the bathroom and stand there for a minute. 'Don't do it Jade!' I scream in my head 'they'll see and judge you even more! Perrie would be devastated. What would Zoey think when she's older!?' I argue with the demons in my head. 'They won't fucking care you idiot! Hopefully it kills you!' They fight back. I'm no match to them.

I'm too caught in a daze to even realize what I'm doing. I can't stop myself! I open the cabinet and grab a razor. Smashing it until a blade falls out. "You weak bitch! Stop!" I say under my breath. That small part of me knows it's wrong, but it's one of those situations where it's a two against one. Two always wins..

Four cuts down.. well what's a little more? I can't bring myself to realization that's this is wrong. I don't know what has gotten into me. I'm always the person telling others that's self harm is a road you should never to down upon. I tell them they're worth more than that, their body is like a ancient temple.. you shouldn't harm it. I'm such a hypocrite!

I've dragged that cursed blade across my left wrist seven damn times! Some overlapping one another. While others are just there as I reminder that I lost a battle against myself, and this is my punishment. I see the blood trickling down my arm and into my hand. Is it bad I like this feeling..?

~~~~~~ IT'S OVER NOW~~~~~~

My breathing is irregular, fast, too fast. I'm at the point to where I'm hyperventilating. I finally get to the point where I just pass out.