The Walls Have Ears

Dr Murphy's POV (Final Chapter)

I stand staring at the old buildings and warehouses beneath me. The musty streets and the few people out so early in the morning.

Why didn't they love me?

I've always asked myself. But now I see that in fact that is quite an optimistic question to ask. The real question is 'why do they hate me'.

Never included me then blamed me for standing out.

Not the children. I loved them. It didn't matter if they didn't love me back. They were so special, the only family I'd ever had. They were forgiven.

I knew they would run. I knew they wouldn't stay with me.

But it feels good to know the truth. I gave them an open choice and they chose what they wanted to. No fear, no pushiness, no chemicals.

Of course I wish they'd stayed. I would've given them the world. I would've loved them like the parent I never had.

I violently wipe away one of the many tears streaming down my face.

I'm an ugly crier.

That's probably why they didn't like me.

I flash back to watching them run towards the old Ukrainian couple. They looked so happy, so free. As if I'd trapped them.

Because I did.

And watching them drive off, away behind the hills I realized that if you loved something you would not keep it for your sake, but let it live as it chooses.

I walked those hills the night before and found countless beautiful flowers. I admired their beauty so much I wanted to take them home. And I stopped.

Wouldn't loving the flower be allowing it to live and grow and flourish?

Wouldn't loving the flower be watering it?

Loving the flower would definitley not be cutting it's life away only to place it in a vase for your visual appreciation.

That morning I understood one of the most complex forces on this earth. And I have not been able to look at myself since.

My watery eyes blur my vision of the city below me, the ledge I'm standing on now a fuzzy blur of grey.

My shaky breaths creating uneven fog in the cold morning air.

"I wish you all the best my indigo children,"

My shoulders shake with sobs.

"But it turns out everything I thought I knew has been broken by the three single words you two exchanged, and-"

My voice breaks off, my voice box trembling.

"The way I have lived has prevented me from living so much, yet I wished to live for ever,"

A fierce wind blows, freezing and chilling my spine.

"BUT WITHOUT LOVE WHAT IS THERE TO LIVE FOR,"

I scream into the howling wind.

I close my eyes.

Deep breath.

Leave no time for hesitation.

The sidewalk eight storeys down awaits my mangled body and demolished skull.

I step off the ledge.