All Kamoni's life she's been let down, from friends, to family, all the way down to relationships. Being loyal to those who don't deserve it, feeling worthless, and always coming second in everyone's life. At 19, Kamoni realizes she's all she got. H...
Baby, you were my whole life, you were my whole life, Wish I could go back and undo what I've done, That would be impossible, But if you could see what my eyes can see, You would see what you mean to me.
-Chris Brown
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Kamoni Taleaha Brown
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I've been locked inside my room for a week straight. Ignoring calls left and right with feel to return them. The only person I've been communicating with is Noah and that's because he's my brother and he stays with me but only through text messages. I haven't eaten, and whenever I try to I just throw it up. I never felt like this before a day in my life. I feel nothing but guilt, for what I've done. Reacting off anger and trying to hurt Rashard only bit me in the ass. Karma. After Rashard left I broke down, I started throwing things around the room and when he texted me saying that he was coming back for the rest of his things I didn't even respond. Call me crazy but I ended up having the maintenance crew change the locks on my door so he couldn't come back and get his things. I wasn't ready for him to be completely done with me and I knew once he had all his things, he would eventually change his number and I would never hear from him again. I wasn't ready for any of it.
I didn't go to meet up with Deo, in fact, I'm not even going to tell him I was pregnant because I didn't feel like I needed to. I never planned on keeping the baby because we're not together, it was a mistake. We had sex one time. He was just one night and that one night was starting to change my whole life. I couldn't lie and say it didn't hurt me to see that Rashard was hurt. Even though I felt like he betrayed me throughout our relationship he hadn't. I paint him to be this bad person because that's what I wanted to convince myself to believe. I wanted to convince myself that he was bad because he all these girls walking around trying to compete with me. He was sleeping with these girls and they felt like they had leverage over me. He ran to these girls every time we'd break up and I felt like if he loved me how he said he did then why were they his go to? Why couldn't he confide in me? Why not just take a break and get yourself together? Answers that I had no answer to but I had the answers to. I came up with answers, I believed my answers and I reacted off my thoughts.
I know Rashard will put his life on the line for me. He would do anything to make sure that I as happy. I knew he wasn't okay with me seeing other people but he only allowed it because deep down inside, I deserved to have freedom just as much as he. To me, it's like he knew things would go left. From him staying up all night, blowing up my phone, trying to check me at the door. It's like he knew and the same thing has been playing in my head since he left.
"It's gone hurt you more than it hurt me"
Was he hurting? I really felt like I was dying. I just wanted him to feel what I felt. He's been calling me but I knew it was only for the clothes and nothing else. I made Noah promise that he wouldn't answer the door for Rashard when he comes but Noah insisted that he stays at Squeaks house so he won't get caught up in the middle of our shit. As he puts it.
