Insanity Bites |z.m| |h.s|

Chapter 55: Paranoia

The air seemed to grow thick around us and I had to inhale deeply to keep steady. The longer Harry and Kareena stared at me the harder it became to breathe.

Maybe it was because I had been caught and it was definitely not something I was proud of. Maybe it was the mere thought of Zayn giving someone else the pleasure he had given me made me green with jealousy. Maybe because thinking about Zayn in general made my body react in a way only he could incite.

It was ridiculous the way the hairs on my arms stood as I thought of his teasing smile. It was not just his kisses or his touch. It was just him in general. He irked me like no one ever has. He was the only person who could make me feel longing, frustration, anger and fear sometimes all at once.

It was inexplainable. And then there was that small naive part of me that would occasionally convince me that he did in fact care for me in a twisted way. The way he had held my twisting fingers to calm me down, the genuine concern on his face when I first caught my father cheating, the time he saved me from Derek.

His actions were so conflicted. One minute he was breaking my window or my bed frame and biting me the next he was kissing me and telling me I drove him crazy. It was no wonder my emotions were equally as conflicted.

But deep down I knew this to be true. No matter how much he scared me or no matter what his intentions were for me be it good or bad, there would be a part of me that wanted him. Always.

I bit my lip as this realization slowly sunk in and jerked in shock when I felt a hand on my arm. I focused my vision to see Kareena staring at me in concern.

"Sweetheart, has he hurt you like that before?" She asked gently and I noticed she was extremely polite with her words.

Sweetheart. Zayn's called me that before. I frowned slightly at her choice of words and my skin began to prickle with annoyance.

"No, he hasn't," I shrugged her hand away and ignored Harry's penetrating stare. If I looked at him he would know immediately that I was lying so I focused my gaze on the noisy television instead. "I read some articles with similar cases where the victims had been sexually assaulted."

"On your wall," I half snapped at Harry as I finally looked at him. The irritation clear in my voice that had risen an octave.

At hearing this he shrunk back in his seat and nodded silently. Even if he didn't believe me the mention of his map of clues with my picture in it was enough to evoke some amount of guilt he still felt and it was definitely enough to shut him up.

"Well then what has he done to you?" Kareena insisted.

"Cuts and stuff like that," I mumbled evasively. It felt too personal to divulge such things to a stranger. "So it was him, right? He killed her in that petrol station?"

She took a while to answer, taking the time to choose her words. "You're not going to like this answer but I would be lying to you if I said she was killed. After your story I can believe that maybe she was stalked by someone brilliant, who's impossible to catch. But I believe she killed herself. She had admitted it to Joseph. The intention was in her thoughts. I saw it in her face."

My heart fell at her words. She was right I didn't like her words at all.

Kareena smiled for a moment and then she looked around her living room at the numerous crosses plastered across the walls. "I guess her stalker was right about her. Something's can't be faked and Sally was never religious even towards the end when she pretended to be. A God fearing person would never have killed herself."

And it was in that moment that I saw how unstable Kareena actually was. A person smiling at the paranoia around her like it gave her some form of comfort over the fact that her ex-boyfriend and his sister had killed themselves. Like she would be exempted from the same faith because of her choice of decoration.