The Playlist // Ricci Rivero Fanfiction (On-Hold)

Kabanata 17

(a/n: Hey guys! So I'm back for like 7 months. I'm deeply sorry sa lahat ng nagbasa at naghintay kayo ng napakatagal. I was just so busy sa mga panahong 'yon and had no more time to write. I was so sad rin nung lumipat si Cci ng school and team, kaya nawalan ako ng motivation. But still, I'm going to continue the story! So andito ako ngayon; nagbabalik. Charot. Yon nga, I'll try my very best para makapag update nang hindi aabot sa 3 days yung break. I appreciate your responses, kaya here's Kabanata 17! Hope you enjooooy!)  

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko ngayon. It still feels like yesterday when I first met him. Hindi ko man lang siya nasabihan ng paalam, I didn't even know na aalis siya. Wala ba siyang tiwala sa'kin? He doesn't want me now? Or.. was he hurt? 

Wala akong nagawa kundi umuwing luhaan patungo sa bahay with kuya. Hinatid na rin niya yung ibang teammates niya tapos diretso na kami sa bahay. After a long drive, nakarating na rin kami sa destinasyon. 

It feels empty. Para dati rati lang nandito siya, nakasuot ng kanyang paboritong dinosaur onesie habang naka-higa sa couch. Pagtingin ko sa couch, nandoon ang green na box. Oh, nakalimutan ko pala kanina. 

Nilapitan ko 'yon tapos binuksan. I saw the pictures where we first met, it was at DLSU-D when I was still a junior. Kinunan niya pala akong ng picture nung sumulyap ako, i turned the picture and there was a message. 

Sa isang sulyap mo, I was mesmerized by it. Hindi ko alam anong gagawin it's because, hindi ko namalayan na nahuhulog na pala ako sa iyo. But, I controlled myself kasi it was only the first time we met. Kaya yan ha! Nahulog ako kaya lang hindi mo ako sinalo. Pero it's okay, alam ko naman yun eh. :) 

After I read and examined the first note, tumulo ang luha ko so I decided to lock myself in my bedroom. 

Nakarating ako doon and locked it. I placed the box sa desk ko and opened it again. Another one is taken at the same day. I was smiling then, explains why this is his message. 

Nung ngumiti ka, I was so happy at that time. Seeing you smiling like that means the world to me. Seems like nag o-overreact ako pero hindi eh, I just love the way you are. I'm leaving this here so you will remember to smile like this everytime. 

I kept reading those messages within every picture of me. Ngayon, alam ko na kung bakit palaging may nag-iiwan ng song playlist, messages and pictures sa locker ko. For once, I didn't think it was Ricci and now I ruined everything. 

Nagising ako dahil sa pagtunog ng aking cellphone. Hindi ko pala namalayan na nakatulog ako sa kakabasa ng mga sulat niya. It sure is heartbreaking. 

*Ahia calling...*

"Hello?" I answered the phone call without even bothering kung ano ang kanyang sasabihin. 

"Ina, okay ka na ba? I'm sorry for not telling you about it. Sabi kasi ni Ricci na don't tell anyone especially you." He sounds sorry but I don't care. They should've told me, or gave me at least clues. 

We may not know each other for years, but the way we show each other care and affection seems so. Kaya I was so devastated to know that he left the country without me knowing. Sa araw pa mismo when Azrael asked me out to be his girlfriend. Much worse, siya pa yung kumanta. 

"I'm totally not kuya. I just can't believe na umalis siya nang hindi man lang nagpapaalam. He could've thought kung ano ang ma f-feel ko. I don't know why but I feel like it's my fault-" 

"No it's not. Wala kang kasalanan Ina; siguro gusto niya munang mangibang bansa for a vacation. Hindi natin alam ano talagang rason niya." 

"It's clear kuya. If I had known na yun pala yung nararamdaman niya and if I could've saw it, nandito pa siguro siya sa Pinas. But I was so blind na pinagpalit ko siya sa lalakeng bago ko lang nakikilala. I'm so dumb!" 

The line went silent. Hindi ko na namamalayan na muling bumubuhos yung aking mga luha. I can't help but stare at my bedroom wall; puno ito ng mga polaroids namin together. Even the first one, nung family day sa La Salle. 

"I know Ina, I know. And I'm sorry. Can you please get out of your room and meet me downstairs? Kanina ka pa nakakulong diyan, mom and dad are worried about you." 

I smiled at his words, and remembered I still have my parents. But shit, ano bang masasabi ko kina Tita Abi at Tito Pao? Or even Riley? Na may boyfriend na ako, iniwan ako ni Ricci kasi he can't take the pain anymore? Hindi nga natin masasabi ang tadhana. 

Kuya ended up the phone call and I decided na bumaba na rin. As I descended the stairs, nakita ko sina mom, dad, ahia, si achi Des and sila tita at tito. Patay ako nito, namamaga pa naman yung aking mga mata. 

I cleared my thoughts at binati silang lahat. Mom ushered me na umupo katabi ni kuya as they continued to talk. 

"So, hindi na ba talaga uuwi si Ricci?" Dad said with a sad and disappointed tone. 

Wait what? Akala ko vacation lang? I looked at kuya and he only gave me a shrug, same din si ate Des. Ricci naman! 

"That's what he told us pero, hindi pa daw siya sure. Sabi niya, if mag s-stay permanent na siya dun, he might start his transfer process sa La Salle." Reply naman ni Tito Paolo. 

"He can't just do that!" Well, I can't control myself. 

Tumahimik silang lahat and stared at me. Now, I need to continue what I just have said. 

"His dream school was La Salle and he can't just transfer to a foreign country just because of what I did. I'm sorry Tita, Tito. I know it was my fault. I'm very sorry to cause you trouble. I hope na makausap niyo si Ricci at makabalik na siya rito, if that's possible." 

The tears I've been holding are now falling again. Damn it. I wiped them off at ngumiti sa kanila. Ngumiti si Tito Paolo, sa akin at ganoon din si Tita Abi. Mom and dad are just keeping a straight face. Siguro, they're still battling over what to do with it later. 

"I'll try Ina. Alam naman rin namin na matalik na kaibigan lang ang tingin mo kay Ricci, pero hindi namin alam na iba pala yung kaniya. And we're not mad, don't worry. It's his decision that needs to be finalized in the end. Ganyan yan siya eh." 

I laughed a little and nodded. What Ricci wants, is what Ricci gets sabi pa nga niya. Reminiscing those memories made me feel the pain again. Napaka tanga ko talaga! Klaro naman na iba yung nararamdaman niya. He even displays it on Twitter. 

But at the end of the day, kahit ano pang gawin niyo, all of it would be my fault. Sabihin pa man nila na hindi, or it was Ricci's decision, ako parin ang may sala. I would always be the one at fault. Kaya if uuwi siya, I would spend all of my energy apologizing and making it up to him. Just to hear him say, I forgive you.