Looking At Us

24. sasha

In my grade, P.E. was torture for the girls and luxury for the guys. The class was made up of about nine females and fifteen males, which meant that if we had a choice between volleyball and football, the majority always won—so guess which sport we (the guys) played. 

     I usually hung around with Hadley and Sierra, one of the new girls. Sierra was the same age as Hadley; she had white-blond hair, and she was very skinny but very short. Her eyes were like liquid copper. We had no interest in running for twenty minutes, so we chatted and gossiped and made all the other kids feel awkward around us. 

     Today, Wednesday, Mr. Hyde said we would be playing dodgeball since the rain was drenching the town, and all of the girls groaned. Dodgeball meant all the guys whipping the balls at blinding speeds trying to hit girls in the breasts and hit guys in the crotch. It was a terrifying experience. 

     I noticed Megan grinning with Shain. Hadley said, ‘‘We got into some serious shit last night. Megan and I.’’

     ‘‘Really?’’ I said as Darrin started walking over to me. ‘‘Was it harsh?’’

     ‘’I was harsh. She wasn’t. She’s a freaking candy-ass.’’ 

     Darrin put his arms around my waist from behind and said, ‘‘You feeling good?’’

     ‘‘Yeah.’’ I turned and kissed him. ‘‘You?’’

     He grinned weakly, like it caused him pain, but didn’t answer. I couldn’t remember much from last night; just wanting to get condoms from Cody, kissing Darrin in Cris’s truck, waking up on the cold seats later on. 

     Five minutes later, the game of dodgeball started. I was on the same team as Sierra, Shain, and Erick Lockhart; I was versing Megan, Darrin, Hadley, and Cody. 

     Sierra stood beside me. ‘‘Should I be watchful?’’

     ‘‘Yes. Just look out for Cody, Ben, and Darrin.’’

     ‘‘What about Hadley?’’ Sierra asked.

     I laughed. ‘‘Don’t worry about her. She’s got terrible aim.’’

     So the game started. Darrin crushed Erick with a ball to the shoulder and then, being the loving boyfriend that he was, hurled a few of them at me. I yelled, ‘‘Screw you!’’ and threw one at his leg, but he dodged. 

     Shain and Megan were laughing as they tried to hit each other, childish and innocent. Sierra kept evading Ben Martyn’s throws, but she had a weird smile on her face, like she thought Ben was cute. 

     A ball rolled up to me and I toe-punted it, landing it right in Darrin’s groin. He buckled. Most of the kids laughed, and even Mr. Hyde winced. As Darrin came over to the side, wobbling slightly, he whispered in my ear: ‘’I wish your mouth had been there instead,’’ and I giggled. 

     Halfway through the game, Mr. Hyde made us stop for a brief minute, looking at the doors. I turned and saw Ms. Thorne, the school’s principal. Outside the gym doors, Cori watched me with a smirk on her face. 

     ‘‘Sasha and Megan?’’ Ms. Thorne asked. Mr. Hyde didn’t even raise his eyebrows; I regularly had a home at the office now, so teachers weren’t surprised when Ms. Thorne or Mr. Parker came to ‘have a chat with me’. 

     Megan looked nervous as she followed Thorne, Cori, and I down the hall to the office. The cold air breezed through my gym strip, sweeping Megan’s hair behind her shoulders. 

     Megan was pretty. Seriously. I just wasn’t one to tell her. 

     In the office—this brightly colored maze of hidden rooms with soft rock playing through secret speakers—Thorne took us to her office and sat us down in three chairs. Cori was on my left. Megan was on my right. 

     A moment later, Mr. Parker, the vice principal, entered and took a seat beside Ms. Thorne. It wasn’t hard to imagine them as a couple: both of them were mid-thirties type, and they were usually pleasant people to be around unless they were poking you about ‘sexual activity’ and ‘private touches’. Parker, divorced, had an eleven-year-old son, and Thorne was a mother of none. They would be perfect for each other. 

     Mr. Parker gave us smiles and ‘hello’s and ‘how are you doing’s. Cori seemed more upbeat that most of us; Megan was nervous, and I was just pissed. 

     ‘’So, we’ve noticed you three have been going through some drama,’’ Ms. Thorne started, right to the point. ‘’We don’t want things to get ugly.’’

     Beside me, Megan said, ‘‘They’re already ugly,’’ under her breath.

     ‘‘Where’s Hadley?’’ I asked. 

     Mr. Parker folded his fingers together. ‘‘We’ll be talking with her and Megan later. Right now it’s you three.’’ 

     They asked us to explain, and Cori started. She told them about Cris, how they were a couple a few months back, and how Megan butted in—

     ‘’I did not butt in!’’ Megan snapped. ‘’I simply talked with him! That’s not against the law, is it?’’

     Cori started to argue, but Thorne offered to hear Megan’s side of the story, which I was a little interested to hear as well. 

     She cleared her throat. Her eyes were misty. ‘’I didn’t know Cris very well, but I heard him and Cori broke up and then on last Thursday night I just got this text from him, and it totally seemed random, he was like, Hi, this is Cris Domnall, and I tried not to get involved in anything big, but he kept talking to me and I found that I liked talking to him, and then Cori got all pissed at me and Hadley sent me threats and—and—’’

     Megan stopped to draw breath. Thorne and Parker were frowning. 

     I stared at the faded scars on my wrists. 

     Thorne started asking questions in a syrupy voice. Cori, why does it bother you to have Megan talking to Cris? 

     ‘‘Because I’m not—I don’t—I still have feelings for him!’’ 

     Sasha, did you influence Hadley to send threats to Megan? 

     ‘‘Hell, no! I don’t want anything to do with this!’’

     Megan, is there any way you could talk to Cris without disturbing Cori?

     ‘’Oh my God! I can talk to whoever I want, and Cori isn’t going to stop me!’’ 

     Fifteen minutes later, the three of us made our way back to our classes—Megan and I to P.E., Cori to History. None of us talked, but we all silently agreed that Thorne was a bitch, Parker was a douche, and the problem between us was not resolved. 

     To Cori, I said, ‘’To be continued.’’ And Cori nodded.

     To Megan, I said, ‘‘You still better watch yourself, okay?’’

     Megan didn’t answer. Megan was looking at me, but not at me; looking behind me. So I turned, and Cori turned, and we looked at Cris Domnall. 

     He was tall and elegant in khakis and a white button-down, his hair wild and tangled, his captivating eyes bright. He walked towards us wearing black Nikes. 

     I looked at Megan. She was close to tears. Her expression, to Cris, said Help. 

     Cris looked at Cori. Cori looked at Cris. 

     Cris said, ‘‘Megan, do you want to hang out with me after school?’’

     He had just asked her out, and I had never seen any boy do it better. Not even Darrin, who had asked gotten one of his friends to ask me. 

     Megan froze for a moment, but then she swallowed and nodded. ‘‘Yes. Sure.’’ 

     An hour later, I met up with Cori. 

     ‘‘Shit is going to go down,’’ she said.