Looking At Us

54. sasha

I knocked three times on Darrin’s front door, and I waited. A minute later, he opened it, and we stood face to face. He was only a few inches taller than me. 

     ‘’Hi,’’ I said. 

     ‘’Hi,’’ Darrin replied. 

     I folded my arms and got ready for the hard part: ‘‘I’m sorry.’’

     ‘‘You’re sorry.’’ He frowned like I was speaking another language, which was kind of true, actually. 

     ‘‘Yes,’’ I said. ‘‘That night where I lashed out at you . . . I was just confused. There was a lot of misunderstood concepts in my head, and I just took out my anger on you. And I’m sorry.’’ My breathing hitched. ‘‘Restart?’’

     Darrin shrugged. He’d recently gotten a haircut, but he’d messed up the back like he preferred it chaotic. 

     ‘‘You did something with Cody,’’ he said, not suspiciously, but more anguished. ‘‘After—after I left. You . . .’’ He shoved his hands in his pockets, then took them out, lost for words. 

     I closed my eyes for a second. ‘‘Yeah. I screwed around with Cody and Cori.’’

     ‘‘You cheated on me?’’ 

     ‘’It wasn’t cheating. I was tired. It was, like, cuddling with friends, only without clothes on. Not cheating.’’

     He frowned again, but the corner of his lips raised slightly. ‘‘Okay.’’

     ‘‘Okay?’’

     ‘‘Oka—yeah. I’m not doing Gus and Hazel,’’ he said. 

     I grinned slightly. ‘‘Yeah. Thank you.’’ 

     For a minute, we stood like that, two statues with beating hearts, craving for one another but not daring to push it.

     Darrin checked his watch. ‘‘Are you staying?’’

     ‘‘Staying? Umm . . .’’

     ‘‘Come on.’’ He took my hand and lead me down to his bedroom, where Never Shout Never was playing faintly, and we kicked off our shoes and climbed into his bed, fully clothed, something we hadn’t done in a long time. 

     Never Shout Never whispered, Why you do this to me . . . baby, I’m lovesick.