Looking At Us

41. megan

Hey, Megan. 

     I’m sorry. Can I just start with that? I’m sorry. Remember that girl I told you about? Niomi. The one that I left Cori for. So, um . . . she was in Vancouver for a while, and now she’s coming back to town. She’s coming home in two days.

     Megan, I miss her. 

     You and me . . . I’ve gotten you into so much trouble with this. With you and Cori, and Sasha, and Hadley. I can’t help but feel guilty—feel responsible for all the pain I’ve caused you. I hurt you, Megan, and I’m not going to deny it. I’m sorry. 

     I love you. 

     I truly did love you.

     But . . . Niomi’s a part of me that I can’t let go. Her and me . . . we’re, like, soul mates. I’m not saying that you were just a temporary replacement while she was gone. I broke my promise because of you, Megan—she told me to wait until she got back, but I couldn’t help myself. I fell in love with you, Megan. You stole my heart, and now . . . I kind of need it back. 

     I’m sorry. I’m detaching myself from you, now. 

     Looking at us, I see a story. A lie. A way to tell others, to convince others, to manipulate others into following our footsteps, twisting, winding, meandering through scarred pasts and uncertain futures. I see demons and angels, heroes and villains, lovers and enemies. Looking at us, I see your smile, and I feel your hand, and I wonder, truly, if we are meant to survive this journey.

     Love’s powerful, Megan, but it has its limits. It was great. Seriously. I loved it. It’s just . . . her. And me. Us. Different. 

     This is hard to explain in words. 

     I’m sorry.