Looking At Us

33. hadley

‘‘Hadley, get the hell up!’’

     ‘’Oh my God. What time is it?’’

     ‘‘It’s midnight. Well, it’s one. But it’s the middle of the night,’’ Sasha said. 

     I opened my eyes and then shut them again due to the flashlight on Sasha’s phone that was pointed right at me. ‘‘Why are you waking me up?’’ 

     ‘‘Because Cody texted me and said to come to the park right now.’’ 

     ‘‘Seriously?’’ 

     Sasha ripped the blankets off. ‘‘Yes, seriously! Get up, Hadley!’’ 

     So, at one in the morning, Sasha and I took a stroll to the park in pajama bottoms and hoodies, and I was freezing my ass off, and Cody was going to pay. In the park, we met up with him and Cori. Cody was smoking a weed between his lips, the moonlight glinting off his naked chest, his forehead dripping with sweat. Cori, sitting beside him, was fingering at the buttons of her coat, like she was unsure if she wanted to do it up or unbutton it. 

     ‘‘Cody,’’ I said, ‘‘what the hell are you doing?’’

     ‘’Hi, Cori,’’ said Sasha.

     Cody stood up and walked over to me. I closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms, but all I got was the smell of smoke on his breath. 

     ‘‘Redeem me,’’ he whispered. 

     I said, ‘’I need you home.’’ 

     ‘‘Home will come, angel. I promise.’’ He kissed my temple gently. 

     Sasha said, ‘‘Why the hell are we out here?’’

     Cori stood. ‘‘Because we’re not alone.’’

     She lead us through the park, through this land of shadows and souls sucked up by Stygian iron. In a corner, hiding behind a clump of trees, were two silhouettes: one tall, one taller, with wild hair. We watched as they closed the gap between them with a kiss.

     Cody said, ‘‘Cris.’’

     ‘‘Megan,’’ Cori added. 

     I grimaced. ‘‘The little bitches.’’ 

     We crept closer, the moonlight shivering on my skin and igniting the four of us exquisitely: Cori, looking cold and nervous in her coat and toque; Sasha, deathly pale and deathly hostile; Cody, his muscles turning silver, the wrinkles of his jeans accentuated in the brightness; and me . . . a zombie with an Aeropostale hoody and bedraggled hair. Lovely. 

     Sasha screamed, ‘‘Christ!’’ and I jumped. 

     Cris and Megan broke apart, and Cody turned on the flashlight from his phone so that their startled faces were illuminated. Cris looked like a secret agent in PJs; Megan’s hair, somehow, was perfect. 

     ‘‘Christ,’’ Sasha said again, a little quieter. 

     Cris said, ‘‘Actually, it’s Cris.’’

     ‘’Oh, shut up, asshole.’’ Sasha pulled her hoody closer around her shoulders, like she was afraid that Cris’s handsomeness and his somewhat smart-ass attitude would seep into her skin. 

     I glanced at Megan, who looked anything but embarrassed or self-conscious. Her face was bold and challenging, like she was saying: You don’t like me kissing Cris? Well, you can kiss my ass. 

     Cori was the first to break. ‘‘Why the hell are you here with Cris?’’

     ‘’Oh, is that a crime now?’’ Megan snapped. 

     ‘‘It’s freaking rude,’’ Cori replied. ‘‘You don’t have any respect for anyone else’s feelings, do you? Yeah, you just see a boy with a dick and you start sucking it.’’ 

     Megan snarled and said, ‘’At least I don’t slit my wrists for attention.’’ 

     Cori lunged, and Cori had to wrap his arms around her middle to keep her restrained. Something stabbed at my heart when I saw the way his fingers strayed near her breasts. 

     He pulled her back and whispered, ‘‘Slow down, hot shot. I’ve got you. Just hold on, babe, I’ve got you.’’

     Oh, Jesus. I wanted to scream. What in hell’s name did Cody think he was doing?

     ‘‘Screw off,’’ I whispered, for Cori and for Megan. 

     Beside me, Sasha heard my words. She pulled out her phone to text. 

     The noise from all six of us dashed out of the park. I had never felt such a silence like this since . . . I couldn’t remember. All my life had been twisted by noise: my parents shouting at each other, video games in my brother’s hands, people yelling at me. I couldn’t remember the sound of silence, but this was it, right now, between the six of us. 

     Then Cris said, very quietly, ‘‘Just so you know, my brother’s a cop. I could call him right now and we’d all be carted out of here.’’

     Sasha narrowed her eyes. ‘’Is that a threat?’’

     ‘’No,’’ Cris replied, and I believed him. ‘‘It’s a choice. We could call spend the night in our beds, or we could spent it in a jail cell.’’

     Cori looked away and closed her eyes; Cody shoved his hands in his pockets like he didn’t care, which was probably true. Sasha’s phone beeped, notifying everyone that she’d received a text or a Snapchat, but she didn’t move a muscle. 

     I noticed Megan staring at Cris, like she was grateful that he’d said we instead of them; them meaning us. 

     At that moment, footsteps echoed down the street and a silhouette emerged from the trees. Sasha ran up and kissed the shadow, and I realized it must have been Darrin. He was wearing an aviator jacket similar to his brother’s, which also made him look like a secret agent in PJs. 

     ‘‘Are we fighting?’’ he asked casually. ‘‘Okay. Cool. Can I join?’’

     Sasha stared at him. ‘‘Troy’s a cop?’’

     ‘‘Who?’’

     ‘‘Troy. Your brother. He’s in the law business?’’

     Darrin frowned, then looked at Cris, then looked at his girlfriend. ‘’Oh! Yeah. Deputy for the police here. He’s on shift tonight, isn’t he?’’

     Cris nodded. His hand was now twined with Megan’s. 

     Again there was silence, though not as deep as the last one. Sasha swore. 

     ‘‘Screw this. Darrin, take me home, you’re going to screw me until I am screaming.’’ When he protested, she shoved her hand down his pants and kissed him so hard it seemed more like assault. Darrin picked her up and she straddled him, biting on his neck. They stumbled further into the park, but I didn’t think they were going to make it to the house before they were both drunk on sex. 

     Cori hadn’t moved. She looked cold and broken. 

     I took Cody’s hand and whispered, ‘‘Come on. I need you.’’

     He looked at Cori like he wanted to say something, or maybe kiss her goodnight, but I dragged him away before my feelings were shattered. 

     We passed the other two in the trees; Sasha, shirtless and braless, was struggling to get Darrin’s boxers off. Cody, suddenly intrigued, picked me up and carried me bridal style. 

     ‘’I kissed Cori,’’ he whispered. ‘‘I’m sorry.’’

     I should’ve been feeling something. But I didn’t. I rubbed my palms against his chest and put my lips to his.

     ‘‘I’m sorry, too,’’ I told him, but I didn’t know what I was apologizing for.